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Some people argue that it is not wise for an industry to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young yet inexperienced individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people argue that it is not wise for an industry to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young yet inexperienced individuals. v. 2
People have different views about the employees experience and age working in an organisation. In my opinion, the workforce of an organisation differs from industry to industry. Experienced staff plays an important factor in sector, such as Medical and Education, and success of such sector mostly depends on professional employee. In a clinic or a hospital people would mostly trust the doctors who have several years of experience, particularly while performing an operation. In other words, in a surgery an inexperienced doctor can jeopardize the life of the patient, unless accompanied with an experience doctor. For example, the research conducted by the Cambridge University states that, the risk of patient life in surgery increased by 70% in the absence of an experienced surgeon. Furthermore, experience is directly related to the number of years worked. As a result, experienced staff is always preferred in such industry. On the other hand, manufacturing industry mostly requires a young workforce. The turnaround time of manufacturing a product is an important factor. To elaborate, raw material purchased may need to be consumed in the process on time, to minimise the inventory cost. Manufacturing work requires dealing with heavy machineries, working in high temperature and lifting large objects which require young an energetic employees, and such task may not be possible by aging people. For instance, according to The Ford, a giant US car manufacturer, yearly analysis in operation, states that people above 40 years of age are more prone to accident while working, as compared to employees under 35 years of age. In conclusion, the experienced older workers may have an important role to play in the healthcare industry; whereas young employees are required in the manufacturing industry where not much experience is required.
People
have
different
views about the
employees
experience
and age working in an
organisation
. In my opinion, the workforce of an
organisation
differs from
industry
to industry.

Experienced staff plays an
important
factor in sector, such as Medical and Education, and success of such sector
mostly
depends on professional
employee
. In a clinic or a hospital
people
would
mostly
trust the doctors who have several years of
experience
,
particularly
while performing an operation.
In other words
, in a surgery an inexperienced doctor can jeopardize the life of the patient, unless
accompanied with
an
experience
doctor.
For example
, the research conducted by the Cambridge University states that, the
risk
of patient life in surgery increased by 70% in the absence of an experienced surgeon.
Furthermore
,
experience
is
directly
related to the number of years worked.
As a result
, experienced staff is always preferred in such industry.

On the other hand
,
manufacturing
industry
mostly
requires a young workforce. The turnaround time of
manufacturing
a product is an
important
factor. To elaborate, raw material
purchased
may need to
be consumed
in the process on time, to
minimise
the inventory cost.
Manufacturing
work requires dealing with heavy
machineries
, working in high temperature and lifting large objects which require young an energetic
employees
, and such task may not be possible by aging
people
.
For instance
, according to The Ford, a giant US car manufacturer, yearly analysis in operation, states that
people
above 40 years of age are more prone to accident while working, as compared to
employees
under 35 years of age.

In conclusion
, the experienced older workers may have an
important
role to play in the healthcare
industry
; whereas young
employees
are required
in the
manufacturing
industry
where not much
experience
is required
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people argue that it is not wise for an industry to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young yet inexperienced individuals. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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