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Essay Topic: It is not wise for an industry to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young yet inexperienced individuals. v.1

Essay Topic: It is not wise for an industry to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young yet inexperienced individuals. v. 1
In recent times, news on both visual devices and paper are commonly accompanied by images. There are quite a few reasons behind this; which could be to give a more detailed information about the main issue discussed. Certain individuals are of the opinion that these visual images are more effective than the written content. I strongly affirm this view as my opinion; supporting it with the below stated reasons which is the Crux of this essay. To begin with, the picture captures one's interest faster than words. An illustration of this is children. They tend to react more to pictures and get bored easily with written content. The human eyes are more attracted to colours which is the first point of contact and once an interest is established; our curiosity level raises. Again, a visual image can summarize a whole issue into one piece. Most people do have little or no time to read long articles, but yet they always want to be informed about the happenings around them. Am example of this, is the current research carried out by Nigerian reading club showed that 10 out of 50 will read carefully the content of a book. Therefore, summarising the words into images will also serve as a creative means of informing the illiterate members of the society. To sum up, using pictures in addition to written words is an excellent means of passing information to the general public. This is to say that visual arts are more powerful than written expressions. Research has it that in 10years to come people will engage more in activities that are time consuming, therefore, leaving them with less personal time. However, it is recommended that the news industries should utilize other means of circulating information.
In recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, news on both visual devices and paper are
commonly
accompanied by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
images
. There are quite a few reasons behind this; which could be to give a more detailed information about the main issue discussed. Certain individuals are of the opinion that these visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
images
are more effective than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
written
content. I
strongly
affirm this view as my opinion; supporting it with the below stated reasons which is the Crux of this essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the picture captures one's interest faster than words. An illustration of this is children. They tend to react more to pictures and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bored
easily
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
written
content. The human eyes are more attracted to
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
which is the
first
point of contact and once an interest
is established
; our curiosity level raises.

Again, a visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
image
can summarize a whole issue into one piece. Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to read long articles,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
yet
they always want to
be informed
about
Consider using "the surrounding happenings".
the happenings around them
. Am example of this, is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
research carried out by Nigerian reading club
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 10 out of 50 will read
carefully
the content of a book.
Therefore
,
Do not mix variants of the same word ('summarise' and 'summarize') within a single text.
summarising
the words into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
images
will
also
serve as a creative means of informing the illiterate members of the society.

To sum up, using pictures
in addition
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
written
words is an excellent means of passing information to the
Consider using "public".
general public
. This is to say that visual arts are more powerful than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
written
expressions. Research has it that in 10years to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will engage more in activities that are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
,
therefore
, leaving them with less personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
However
, it
is recommended
that the news industries should utilize other means of circulating information.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Essay Topic: It is not wise for an industry to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young yet inexperienced individuals. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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