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It is not wise for an industry to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young yet inexperienced individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

It is not wise for an industry to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young yet inexperienced individuals. v. 1
Change is the law of nature and it applies to everyone including humans. While it appears unethical for an organization to replace its older employees with young people, I believe most of the times it becomes the need of the hour for that organization. This essay will analyse this trend from the perspective of workers and companies. From the perspective of a company, certain kinds of jobs are both physically and intellectually demanding and sometimes it becomes necessary to replace an older employee with a young employee in such jobs. Physically demanding jobs such as those of coal miners or construction workers need rigorous physical work which an aged person may not be able to do with the same efficiency as a young person. Mentally demanding jobs such as that of an air traffic controller or an emergency medical practitioner demand quick response and an inability to deliver it can cost lives. As such, in such cases, companies do not have any other options and the replacement of older employees is imperative. However, old and experienced employees ought to be retired gracefully with all the benefits rather than being shown the door one fine morning. In other words, it should be the prime responsibility of any enterprise to make sure their employees have a better life after their tenure is over with the enterprise. For instance, an organization should provide their experienced workers' regular monthly pension along with free medical facilities so that they are not dependent on others. Upon closer examination it can be seen that this practice helps not only the retired employees but also the government by helping it reduce its spending on elderly health care. To conclude, it is indeed true that replacement of older employees in various companies is a bitter truth in the co-operative sector. Nonetheless, its negative impacts on the lives of replacing employees can be alleviated with the patronage of their employers.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Change
is the law of nature and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
applies to
everyone including humans. While it appears unethical for an organization to replace its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
with young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, I believe
Consider using "most of the time" if you mean "usually" or "very often".
most of the times
it becomes the need of the hour for that organization. This essay will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
this trend from the perspective of workers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

From the perspective of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, certain kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are both
physically
and
intellectually
demanding and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it becomes necessary to replace an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
with a young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Physically
demanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
such as those of coal miners or construction workers need rigorous physical work which an aged person may not be able to do with the same efficiency as a young person. Mentally demanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
such as that of an air traffic controller or an emergency medical practitioner demand quick response and an inability to deliver it can cost
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. As such, in such cases,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
do not have any other options and the replacement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
is imperative.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
ought to
be retired
gracefully
with all the benefits
rather
than
being shown
the door one fine morning.
In other words
, it should be the prime responsibility of any enterprise to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
have a better life after their tenure is over with the enterprise.
For instance
, an organization should provide their experienced workers' regular monthly pension along with free medical facilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they are not dependent on others. Upon closer examination it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that this practice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
by helping it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
its spending on elderly health care.

To conclude
, it is
indeed
true that replacement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
in various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
is a bitter truth in the co-operative sector. Nonetheless, its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of replacing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
can
be alleviated
with the patronage of their employers.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay It is not wise for an industry to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young yet inexperienced individuals. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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