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In many countries, people are not taking care of their elderly relatives. Instead, the care provided by professionals. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v.1

In many countries, people are not taking care of their elderly relatives. Instead, the care provided by professionals. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 1
It is true that people in many countries are not taking care of their elderly people, whereas the care is provided by professionals instead. This is a positive development. One of the most important reasons why this is a positive is that the elderly people will be provided a physical care in order to meet hospital standard. Due to the experiences as well as the knowledges of professionals, older people will be able to get not only essential nutrients such as minerals, calcium and so forth but also adequate exercise. For example, according to the latest survey conducted by Sydney University, it revealed that 80% of the people who was sent to nursing homes or professional age care facilities tend to live longer and healthier. Another reason to support this the fact that professionals can assist the elderly people in terms of mental health. This is because older people tend to have neurological diseases. To illustrate this, in recent news, it has been reported that older people who age over 70 years old in Thailand suffered from dementia and depression because of lacking care by professionals. As a result, many of these old people are facing with the memory, language and decision-making abilities, which can be considered a benefit of having a professional. In conclusion, it is obvious that this trend is thought to be a beneficial because the elderly people will be assisted not only physical term but also mental health.
It is true that
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people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries are not taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, whereas the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
is provided
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
instead
. This is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.

One of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons why this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be provided
a physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
hospital standard. Due to the experiences
as well
as the
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
of
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professionals
, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
essential nutrients such as minerals, calcium and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
adequate exercise.
For example
, according to the latest survey conducted by Sydney University, it revealed that 80% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to nursing homes or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
facilities tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer and healthier.

Another reason to support this the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
can assist the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in terms of mental health. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to have neurological diseases. To illustrate this, in recent news, it has
been reported
that older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who age over 70 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
in Thailand suffered from dementia and depression
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lacking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are facing with the memory, language and decision-making abilities, which can
be considered
a benefit of having a professional.

In conclusion
, it is obvious that this trend is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be a beneficial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be assisted
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
physical term
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
mental health.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, people are not taking care of their elderly relatives. Instead, the care provided by professionals. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
242 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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