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Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.3

Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. v. 3
There is an ongoing discussion that whether money should be the prominent factor in a job or not. While some people believe that well-paid jobs are essential for living a joyful life, I would argue that a person should have an enjoyable profession to be happy. Those who have the opinion that high-salaried job is more significant might argue that it could buy happiness for them. In other words, individuals could afford luxurious lives for them and their respective families if they earn a good salary. For instance, some wealthy people like to buy big houses, limited-edition cars and hi-tech gadgets to show-off their wealth to others as this thing cheers them up. These people have a thinking that those who have lesser pay are less fortunate and unhappy in their lives. On the other hand, I would argue that doing enjoyable occupation gives you the feeling of satisfaction. The reason is that a person having an interest in his work would perform it to perfection, and it is a high chance that he/she might be successful in the future. For example, Bill Gates was a passionate coder from childhood, and he would not have become the world's richest person if he did not follow his passion. In contrast, if an individual does not like his profession, then he would not do it with concentration. As a result, he would commit mistakes frequently and always remain in stress, which would deteriorate the health. In conclusion, although money plays a vital role in helping us leading a comfortable life, it is more important to do an interesting task for relishing the soul. I believe that boring work would lead to monotonous life; therefore, it is necessary to do the occupation which fills enthusiasm and joy within the individual.
There is an ongoing discussion that whether money should be the prominent factor in a job or not. While
some
people
believe that well-paid jobs are essential for living a joyful life, I would argue that a person should have an enjoyable profession to be happy.

Those who have the opinion that high-salaried job is more significant might argue that it could
buy
happiness for them.
In other words
, individuals could afford luxurious
lives
for them and their respective families if they earn a
good
salary.
For instance
,
some
wealthy
people
like to
buy
big
houses
, limited-edition cars and hi-tech gadgets to
show
-off their wealth to others as this thing cheers them up. These
people
have a thinking that those who have lesser pay are less fortunate and unhappy in their
lives
.

On the other hand
, I would argue that doing enjoyable occupation gives you the feeling of satisfaction. The reason is that a person having an interest in his work would perform it to perfection, and it is a high chance that he/she might be successful in the future.
For example
, Bill Gates was a passionate coder from childhood, and he would not have become the world's richest person if he did not follow his passion.
In contrast
, if an individual does not like his profession, then he would not do it with concentration.
As a result
, he would commit mistakes
frequently
and always remain in
stress
, which would deteriorate the health.

In conclusion
, although money plays a vital role in helping us
leading
a comfortable life, it is more
important
to do an interesting task for relishing the soul. I believe that boring work would lead to monotonous life;
therefore
, it is necessary to do the occupation which fills enthusiasm and joy within the individual.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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