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Some people argue that it is important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a happy life Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.1

Some people argue that it is important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a happy life 1
It is often said that music has the power to unite and connect people, regardless of their cultural backgrounds or ages. I completely agree with this view, and will give my reasons below. Music can certainly reach across cultural and national boundaries and bring people together. Perhaps the best example of this would be the Live Aid concerts that took place back in the 1980s, and which were broadcast to a global audience. Two live events were held simultaneously in the UK and the US, and the objective was to raise funds for famine relief in Ethiopia. The concerts were a huge success, both in terms of the number of people around the world who watched them and their impact on international public awareness of the famine. They demonstrated, I believe, that music truly is the planet’s global language. Just as it transcends cultures, music also has the ability to connect people from different generations. Regardless of age, we can all enjoy a memorable melody, a strong rhythm or a beautiful singing voice, and the best songs seem to have the same magical effect on all of us. This would explain why televised music competitions, such as ‘The X Factor’ or ‘The Voice’, are such popular prime-time shows. These programmes attract incredibly broad audiences because singing and popular songs appeal to children, parents and grandparents alike. I would argue that no other form of entertainment can bring families together in this way. In conclusion, I believe that music is unique in its capacity to create shared experiences between people, irrespective of culture and age.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has the power to unite and connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, regardless of their cultural backgrounds or ages. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view, and will give my reasons below.

Music can
certainly
reach across cultural and national boundaries and bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together. Perhaps the best example of this would be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Live
Aid concerts that took place back in the 1980s, and which were broadcast to a global audience. Two
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
were held
simultaneously
in the UK and the US, and the objective was to raise funds for famine relief in Ethiopia. The concerts were a huge success, both in terms of the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
them and their impact on international public awareness of the famine. They demonstrated, I believe, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
truly
is the planet’s global language.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
as it transcends cultures,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
also
has the ability to connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
generations. Regardless of age, we can all enjoy a memorable melody, a strong rhythm or a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
singing voice, and the best songs seem to have the same magical effect on all of us. This would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why televised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
competitions, such as ‘The X Factor’ or ‘The Voice’, are such popular prime-time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
. These
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
attract
incredibly
broad audiences
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
singing and popular songs appeal to children, parents and grandparents alike. I would argue that no other form of entertainment can bring families together in this way.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is unique in its capacity to create shared experiences between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, irrespective of culture and age.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Some people argue that it is important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a happy life 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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