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Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. v. 2
As society is advancing by leaps and bounds, the attitude towards employment has undergone a noticeable and far-reaching transformation. Under this circumstance, the vehement discussion had been occurring that debate the most important in life between job satisfaction and emolument. This essay will give an insight into the situation and provide my personal perspective. On the one hand, some people hold the belief that having happiness is of great paramount in the job. Firstly, working in comfortable is a comparative motivation for people to improve their knowledge and their skills. It will make workers to become an expert in their field and create overate innovations in the development of organizations. Secondly, pleasantest career had an impact of human’s liability. All jobs require employees to be responsible for their actions, such as the doctor might be had thoroughness to take care of patients. On the other hand, others argue that nice remuneration is also a crucial factor for myriad employees in life. The first reason is having a generous salary help worker afford the increasing highly living expenses. It is more comfortable to pay daily expense such as housing, telephone and petrol that create highly life’s pressure in independent survival. Another reason is the connecting wealth and material possessions with happiness and success. They claim that satisfying wages might support them to enjoy the convenient which described the life of succeed person such as living in a smart house and relaxing in luxury resort. To conclude, there are strong arguments for satisfactory job and good emolument. Nevertheless, I maintain my original position that having exited in work is more necessary than nice salary. If we want to improve the best wage, then promoting experience, talent and responsibility are the best option.
As society is advancing by leaps and bounds, the attitude towards employment has undergone a noticeable and far-reaching transformation. Under this circumstance, the vehement discussion had been occurring that debate the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction and emolument. This essay will give an insight into the situation and provide my personal perspective.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold the belief that having happiness is of great paramount in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Firstly
, working in comfortable is a comparative motivation for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their knowledge and their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. It will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
workers to become an expert in their field and create overate innovations in the development of organizations.
Secondly
,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the pleasantest".
pleasantest
career had an impact of human’s liability. All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
require employees to be responsible for their actions, such as the doctor might
be had
thoroughness to take care of patients.

On the other hand
, others argue that nice remuneration is
also
a crucial factor for myriad employees in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. The
first
reason is having a generous salary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
worker afford the increasing
highly
living expenses. It is more comfortable to pay daily expense such as housing, telephone and petrol that create
highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life’s
pressure in independent survival. Another reason is the connecting wealth and material possessions with happiness and success. They claim that satisfying wages might support them to enjoy the convenient which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of succeed person such as living in a smart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and relaxing in luxury resort.

To conclude
, there are strong arguments for satisfactory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
emolument.
Nevertheless
, I maintain my original position that having exited in work is more necessary than nice salary. If we want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the best wage, then promoting experience, talent and responsibility are the best option.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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