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Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. v.4

Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. v. 4
Recently, there is an ongoing debate whether it is important to get a good job environment and pleasing job and or to get a job with good wages. I believe the way people’s thinking influences is somehow to consider their decisions for this matter, especially their definitions in happiness and satisfaction in the job. This essay, as my opinion leads to, will try to elaborate both views with some considerations as I agree that enjoyable job is better. Some of the people have a belief that money can bring anything including happiness. They have dreams to buy luxury goods such as big houses, limited edition cars, updated gadgets or even to collect prestige belongings like rare paintings, sculptures, and something like that, and through that they will feel happy because their stratification in society increasing. These kinds of mindsets can lead to the acknowledgement that bigger payment jobs are better. However, to think materialism as the goal of life is not relevant in my point of view because enjoyment might not be bought by a piece of papers called dollars. Psychologists explained that if we think money can afford anything, it will be a well-known agreement that the rich are the society class gaining the happiest life, but in the fact, in some ways, tells dissimilar. The rich have more risks to get problems in their families, in educating their children, and other relating impacts which all of them are similarly inevitable. This mindset, the way of thinking that money cannot afford happiness, can be a locomotive for the believers for finding a job which is convenient to avoid the dire effects. They will look for the job with appropriate tasks and deadlines and also consider the environment of business even with a low standard of wages. With happiness, they can get calmness and as a result, they can save money to not to buy for anti-stressed drugs as well as to get into excessive entertainment programs. To sum up, people consider happiness as an input for finding jobs and it will always be better to be a breadwinner in a job that someone can find convenient in it.
Recently, there is an ongoing debate whether it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
environment and pleasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
wages. I believe the way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s thinking influences is somehow to consider their decisions for this matter,
especially
their definitions in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
and satisfaction in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. This essay, as my opinion leads to, will try to elaborate both views with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
considerations as I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that enjoyable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is better.

If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have a belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can bring anything including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. They have dreams to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
luxury
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, limited edition cars, updated gadgets or even to collect prestige belongings like rare paintings, sculptures, and something like that, and through that they will feel happy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their stratification in society increasing. These kinds of mindsets can lead to the
Possible spelling mistake. 'acknowledgement' is British English.
acknowledgement
that bigger payment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are better.

However
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
materialism as the goal of life is not relevant in my point of view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
enjoyment might not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
by a piece of papers called dollars. Psychologists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
that if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can afford anything, it will be a well-known agreement that the rich are the society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
gaining the happiest life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the fact, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
dissimilar. The rich have more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
problems in their families, in educating their children, and other relating impacts which all of them are
similarly
inevitable. This mindset, the way of thinking that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
cannot afford
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
, can be a locomotive for the believers for finding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
which is convenient to avoid the dire effects. They will look for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with appropriate tasks and deadlines and
also
consider the environment of business even with a low standard of wages. With
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
calmness and
as a result
, they can save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
One 'to' seems to be obsolete.
to not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
for anti-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
drugs
as well
as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into excessive entertainment programs.

To sum up,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
as an input for finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and it will always be better to be a breadwinner in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that someone can find convenient in it.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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