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Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. v.1

Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. v. 1
There are people who support the idea that having an enjoyable job is more important than the high salary one, but others contradict this opinion and suggest that people should work for high paying jobs because it makes our professional and personal lives easier. Although the ideal situation would be to have a high salary work that we enjoy, this is not possible for everyone. It's more important to consider the fact that some people have a limited job choice because of education, poverty, and other material compensations. Some people spend an obscure amount of money on absurd things without thinking twice. However, they could manage a more preferable job with fewer work hours so they could spend more time with friends and family. I've seen from my experience that in affluent families father is the primary source of income and who works countless hours and rarely sees his children. I personally think that this is not a delightful lifestyle and it would be better if he found a job with less income that permits them to spend more time at home. Contrarily, life is much effortless when we have no problem in our financial lives and can afford anything we want anywhere, anytime without thinking if we are able to buy it. Most of the times people who are born in successful and wealthy families often become the rich ones themselves. High earnings also give us access to a longer, healthier life because our income allows us to do so, something low salary does not possess. To conclude this, In my opinion, it is more important to have a job you enjoy if it does not have the consequences of having less time to be with your family. In my point of view, it's not a big problem to have a job with low income, but the problem is that we spend too much money on needless things, and if manage our finances carefully, we could get the best of each.
There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that having an enjoyable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salary one,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others contradict this opinion and suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our professional and personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
easier. Although the ideal situation would be to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
that we enjoy, this is not possible for everyone. It's more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to consider the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
choice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of education, poverty, and other material compensations.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
an obscure amount of money on absurd things without thinking twice.
However
, they could manage a more preferable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
hours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with friends and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. I've
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from my experience that in affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
father is the primary source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
and who works countless hours and rarely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
his children. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this is not a delightful lifestyle and it would be better if he found a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
that permits them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home.

Contrarily
, life is much effortless when we have no problem in our financial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and can afford anything we want anywhere, anytime without thinking if we are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are born
in successful and wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
become the rich ones themselves.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
High
earnings
also
give us access to a longer, healthier life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
us to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, something low salary does not possess.

To conclude
this, In my opinion, it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
you enjoy if it does not have the consequences of having less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to be with your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. In my point of view, it's not a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the problem is that we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
too much money on needless things, and if manage our finances
carefully
, we could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the best of each.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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