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Employer sometimes ask people applying for the jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both view and give your opinion. v.1

Employer sometimes ask people applying for the jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 1
One of the debatable issues in the job market relates to whether recruiter should acquire information about the applicant`s personal life, for example their past time activities and marital status or not. In this essay I am going to examine this question from both sides of the argument and then I will give my own perspective in this matter. The first reason why the potential employees are asked about their personal life is because, by knowing about the potential hire`s leisure time activities, the human resource department can decide whether he or she will be the best-fit for the company or not. In most cases, if an individual`s passion matches the job interest, he or she will be more committed to the organization. Additionally, in some cases employer receives information about the employee’s marital status and therefore can estimate the employee retention rate. To illustrate, if a position requires to travel frequently might not be an appropriate choice for a married person. However, there are some drawbacks of asking personal information to the job seekers. Firstly, after knowing about the applicant`s personal interests the interviewer might take judgmental decisions. For instance, if the interviewer and interviewee have same sport preferences, then employer might get biased and perform wrong recruitments. Another crucial point is that, many people may have strong privacy concern and thus not willing to share those in public. As a consequence, the employer will miss the opportunity to appoint those who might be the well fit for the company in the long run. In conclusion, I believe both sides have merits. On balance, however, I feel that the organization should not have applicant`s personal information. This is because, this knowledge will not only create discrimination toward the job seekers but also the company will lose many applicants due to the confidentiality policy.
One of the debatable issues in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market relates to whether recruiter should acquire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about the
The character between 'applicant' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "applicant’s" (curly apostrophe) or "applicant's" (straight apostrophe).
applicant`s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
life,
for example
their
Did you mean "pastime"?
past time
activities and marital status or not. In this essay I am going to examine this question from both sides of the argument and then I will give my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective in this matter.

The
first
reason why the potential employees
are asked
about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
life is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, by knowing about the potential
The character between 'hire' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "hire’s" (curly apostrophe) or "hire's" (straight apostrophe).
hire`s
leisure time activities, the human resource department can decide whether he or she will be the best-fit for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or not.
In most cases
, if an
The character between 'individual' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "individual’s" (curly apostrophe) or "individual's" (straight apostrophe).
individual`s
passion matches the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
interest, he or she will be more committed to the organization.
Additionally
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "cases'" or "case's"?
cases
employer receives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about the employee’s marital status and
therefore
can estimate the employee retention rate. To illustrate, if a position requires
Did you mean "traveling", "travelling"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'require' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to travel
frequently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not be an appropriate choice for a married person.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks of asking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seekers.
Firstly
, after knowing about the
The character between 'applicant' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "applicant’s" (curly apostrophe) or "applicant's" (straight apostrophe).
applicant`s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
interests the interviewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
take judgmental decisions.
For instance
, if the interviewer and interviewee have same sport preferences, then employer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
biased and perform
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
recruitments. Another crucial point is that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may have strong privacy concern and
thus
not willing to share those in public. As a consequence, the employer will miss the opportunity to appoint those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be the well fit for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in the long run.

In conclusion
, I believe both sides have merits. On balance,
however
, I feel that the organization should not have
The character between 'applicant' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "applicant’s" (curly apostrophe) or "applicant's" (straight apostrophe).
applicant`s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, this knowledge will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
create discrimination toward the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seekers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
will lose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applicants
due to the confidentiality policy.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Employer sometimes ask people applying for the jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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