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Some people argue that immigrants should adopt the local culture when immigrating to a new country. An alternative view is that they can adapt to a new environment by establishing a minor community. Discuss these two views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people argue that immigrants should adopt the local culture when immigrating to a new country. An alternative view is that they can adapt to a new environment by establishing a minor community. Discuss these two views and give your opinion. v. 2
The culture of a person always describes his traits, personality and nationality. Immigrating to the other city somewhere makes necessary for a person to adopt the culture as it will help other people to understand him. It is good to be independent but living solitary life or in minority communities can lead to adjustment issues. While moving to another country, in addition to culture understanding of multiple things like local language, dressing sense etc. is required. For instance, if we do not know the local language, it would be very difficult for us to adjust to the local culture. If we commute to Netherlands, first thing employer ask is, “do you know Dutch”. Because a good relation between clients and employer remains if an employee is able to understand clients words and requirements. If we do not know the culture, then it is difficult to improve social connectivity within the area. It is always preferable to have a good connection with the people. Having helping hand at the foreign place can make life easier. In contrast, living within minority group can never be a good judgement. Having bad networking in an alien city can impact in certain manners like unable to take any help from others or remains in an odd one out situation while being in a minority group. People living outside your community finds difficult to understand the immigrant, which leads to misleading communications or adjustment issues. To conclude, there is a difference between accepting the culture and understanding the culture. It is good to behave like one of them but leaving own religion is not a good intellect. If we want to walk far then walk together but for this, it is good to be better rather than being same.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of a person always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
his traits, personality and nationality. Immigrating to the other city somewhere
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
necessary for a person to adopt the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
as it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to understand him.

It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
to be independent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
living solitary life or in minority communities can lead to adjustment issues. While moving to another country,
in addition
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
understanding of multiple things like local language, dressing sense etc.
is required
.
For instance
, if we do not know the local language, it would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult for us to adjust to the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. If we commute
A determiner is probably missing here: "to the Netherlands".
to Netherlands
,
first
thing employer ask is, “do you know Dutch”.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
relation between clients and employer remains if an employee is able to understand clients words and requirements.

If we do not know the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, then it is difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
social connectivity within the area. It is always preferable to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
connection with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Having helping hand at the foreign place can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
life easier.
In contrast
, living within minority group can never be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
judgement. Having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
networking in an alien city can impact in certain manners like unable to take any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from others or remains in an odd one out situation while being in a minority group.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
living outside your community finds difficult to understand the immigrant, which leads to misleading communications or adjustment issues.

To conclude
, there is a difference between accepting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and understanding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
to behave like one of them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
leaving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
religion is not a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
intellect. If we want to walk far then walk together
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for this, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
to be better
rather
than being same.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Some people argue that immigrants should adopt the local culture when immigrating to a new country. An alternative view is that they can adapt to a new environment by establishing a minor community. Discuss these two views and give your opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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