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Nowadays, more people are migrating to other countries than ever before. In order to become integrated into society in their adopted countries, immigrants should abandon their old ways and adapt to local customs and codes of behavior. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

There is no doubt that immigration has become trendy with an increasing number of immigrants each year. It also comes with an issue of whether or not immigrants should change their behavior to adapt to their new country. This essay agrees with this statement because some old customs or behaviors are not acceptable in their adopted country, and it is for the good sake of uniting. Firstly, it is vitally important for newcomers to observe the laws as their old customs might not appropriate to the new country’s law and for the aim of social order. By obeying the new laws, immigrants can avoid involving in any serious cases such as a police state. One particular good instance of this is traffic regulations – imagine what a mess it would cause if people refuse to drive on the same side of the road. Another example that’s worth mentioning is the possession of firearms and gambling, it can be permitted in some countries but illegal in others. Secondly and equally essential, respecting the social norm of host country and code of behavior is a good way to build a societal cohesion. Many immigrants coming to a country means that there are various customs brought to the new community. Thus, it makes the country color and vibrancy. The laws help people live in the same living mode; however, too much cultural diversity may weaken a society by alienating people from each other. For instance, learning the native language makes communication between newcomers and local dweller easier. To conclude, it is necessary for immigrants to learn new local rules and behavior so that they will find it easy to be integrated into new country. Although those old rules are acceptable in their native country, they are strictly prohibited in the host country. Moreover, by obeying new regulations, they are making great contributions to their host country.
There is no doubt that immigration has become trendy with an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
each year. It
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with an issue of
Consider shortening this phrase to just “whether”. It is correct though if you mean ‘regardless of whether’.
whether or not
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immigrants
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
to adapt to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
customs or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
are not acceptable in their adopted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, and it is for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
sake of uniting.

Firstly
, it is
vitally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for newcomers to observe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
as their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
customs might not appropriate to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
and for the aim of social order. By obeying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
,
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immigrants
can avoid involving in any serious cases such as a police state. One particular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
instance of this is traffic regulations
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
imagine what a mess it would cause if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
refuse to drive on the same side of the road. Another example that’s worth mentioning is the possession of firearms and gambling, it can
be permitted
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
illegal in others.

Secondly
and
equally
essential, respecting the social norm of host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and code of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to build a societal cohesion.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
coming to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
means that there are various customs brought to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
community.
Thus
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
color and vibrancy. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the same living mode;
however
, too much cultural diversity may weaken a society by alienating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from each other.
For instance
, learning the native language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
communication between newcomers and local dweller easier.

To conclude
, it is necessary for
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immigrants
to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they will find it easy to
be integrated
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Although those
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
are acceptable in their native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, they are
strictly
prohibited in the host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Moreover
, by obeying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
regulations, they are making great contributions to their host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, more people are migrating to other countries than ever before. In order to become integrated into society in their adopted countries, immigrants should abandon their old ways and adapt to local customs and codes of behavior.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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