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Nowadays, more people are migrating to other countries than ever before. In order to become integrated into society in their adopted countries, immigrants should abandon their old ways and adapt to local customs and codes of behavior. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Nowadays, more people are migrating to other countries than ever before. In order to become integrated into society in their adopted countries, immigrants should abandon their old ways and adapt to local customs and codes of behavior. v. 1
There are a variety of different opinions on whether or not immigrants should change their behavior to fit in with their new country. Although some people would no doubt disagree, I personally believe that newcomers should indeed try to adapt. In my view, this means following both the written laws and social customs of their adopted country. There are two primary reasons for this. Firstly, it is obvious that society would not function properly if newcomers did not obey the law. One particularly good example of this is road rules – image what would happen if people refused to drive on the same side of the road. Thus, it is necessary for immigrants to make sure that they obey the law in their new country even if laws in their home country are different. Two other examples of things which are allowed in some countries but illegal in others are owning a gun and gambling. Secondly, it is important to remember that societies are built on shared values. The social rules of a country are the glues that keep it together, so immigrants must respect them. Certainly, having many different cultures makes a country more interesting; however, I would argue that too much difference weakens a society by making people feel that they do not belong there. I believe that similarities between people bring them together, while their differences pull them apart. A healthy society is a society with strong sense of unity. In conclusion, I once again restate my belief that new immigrants to a country must try to adjust to local rules of behavior. As the old saying goes: “When in Rome, do as the Romans do”
There are a variety of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions on
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their behavior to fit in with their new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would no doubt disagree, I
personally
believe that newcomers should
indeed
try to adapt. In my view, this means following both the written
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
and social customs of their adopted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. There are two primary reasons for this.

Firstly
, it is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
would not function
properly
if newcomers did not obey the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
. One
particularly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this is road
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
image what would happen if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
refused to drive on the same side of the road.
Thus
, it is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that they obey the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
in their new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
even if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
in their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
. Two other examples of things which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
illegal in others
The verb 'owning' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are owning
a gun and gambling.

Secondly
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to remember that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
are built
on shared values. The social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
are the glues that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
it together,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
respect them.
Certainly
, having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
more interesting;
however
, I would argue that too much difference weakens a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
by making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that they do not belong there. I believe that similarities between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
bring them together, while their differences pull them apart. A healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
with strong sense of unity.

In conclusion
, I once again restate my belief that new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
try to adjust to local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
of behavior. As the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
saying goes: “When in Rome, do as the Romans do
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
”
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, more people are migrating to other countries than ever before. In order to become integrated into society in their adopted countries, immigrants should abandon their old ways and adapt to local customs and codes of behavior. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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