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Some people argue that immigrants should adopt the local culture when immigrating to a new country. An alternative view is that they can adapt to a new environment by establishing a minor community. Discuss these two views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people argue that immigrants should adopt the local culture when immigrating to a new country. An alternative view is that they can adapt to a new environment by establishing a minor community. Discuss these two views and give your opinion. v. 1
Nowadays, most people prefer to watch suspense and thriller crime films or TV series, as it gives them a thrilling experience. I think that there are various reasons behind the increasing interest in watching these kinds of films. However, watching too much crime scenes, can adversely affect the human's mind. This essay is an attempt to explain the reasons of interest in crime movies and effects on the society. To begin with, as learning is the best teacher, learning from others experiences, save people from being victims of criminal activities. People can make themselves aware of their surroundings, by watching crime movies. Additionally, most of the crime TV series are based on the real incidents, therefore, people like to watch these series, to keep themselves updated by the latest way of crimes. Furthermore, the viewers are allured by directors by adding a special kind of audio and visual effects in crime scenes, which make the scene more interesting. However, it has many negative impacts on the human mind. By watching crimes constantly, people start doubting to others, which can be a reason to break the relationship. For instance, a survey, carried out by the crime branch, has revealed that, seventy percent of divorces, occur because of the doubting nature of their partners. Moreover, people feel unsafe everywhere, by imagining the crime scenes as shown on the TV. Though, there are some positive impacts too, such as people could be able to take some preventive measures in their routine life to combat crime acts. To conclude, it is good to learn from other's mistakes by watching such shows, but, we must avoid watching it continuously.
Nowadays, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
suspense and thriller
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
films or TV series, as it gives them a thrilling experience. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there are various reasons behind the increasing interest in watching these kinds of films.
However
, watching too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scenes
, can
adversely
affect the human's mind. This essay is an attempt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the reasons of interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
movies and effects on the society.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, as learning is the best teacher, learning from others experiences, save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from being victims of criminal activities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
themselves aware of their surroundings, by watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
movies.
Additionally
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
TV series
are based
on the real incidents,
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
these series, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves updated by the latest way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
Furthermore
, the viewers
are allured
by directors by adding a special kind of audio and visual effects in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scenes
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scene
more interesting.

However
, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on the human mind. By watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
constantly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
doubting to others, which can be a reason to break the relationship.
For instance
, a survey, carried out by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
branch, has revealed that, seventy percent of divorces, occur
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the doubting nature of their partners.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel unsafe everywhere, by imagining the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scenes
as shown on the TV. Though, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts too, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could be able to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
preventive measures in their routine life to combat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
acts.

To conclude
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to learn from other's mistakes by watching such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
avoid watching it
continuously
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people argue that immigrants should adopt the local culture when immigrating to a new country. An alternative view is that they can adapt to a new environment by establishing a minor community. Discuss these two views and give your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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