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Some people argue that fashion items cost too much money Others say that this is acceptable because fashion is an important part of life Discuss both the views and give your opinion v.1

Some people argue that fashion items cost too much money Others say that this is acceptable because fashion is an important part of life 1
It is true that fashion designers making something new every day. Some people believe fashion contributes positively towards the society and individuals, while others do not. This essay examines both sides of the argument before draw a conclusion. To begin with, some arguments from people who support the fashion are really make sense. First of all, new dresses and other cosmetic items enhance the confidence in people especially in youngsters, when they wear it. This confidence help them to show a positive approach towards their work. For example, a well dressed employee in a multi national company will feel confident, when he/she chair meeting with chair person of the company. Another important reason is, nowadays psychologists opined that wearing new fashioned clothes reduces the chance for depression. They argue that, people who wear new fashioned clothes gradually pick up a positive attitudes towards the lie. Thus, the chances for depression in these people considerably less than the other people. On the other hand, some other people raises some serious allegations against fashion. The most important one among this is, fashion is a mere wastage of money, when so many other basic things need to be tackled urgently such as education for all, infrastructure development, shelter for all e. t. c. They further argue that, many people around the globe suffering without food and medicines. However, people who spend money on new fashioned items rather give this money for charitable works. Secondly, when rich people follow new fashions the difference between rich and poor will increase and this will create serious problems in the society. Moreover, children in poor families often fight their parents in order to get new fashioned dress, which their hero wears on the screen. This could not afford for poor families. To conclude, I strongly feel, fashion is a mere wastage of money and people better spend money on other things instead of fashion.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
designers making something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
every day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
contributes
positively
towards the society and individuals, while others do not. This essay examines both sides of the argument
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
draw a conclusion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
arguments from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
are
really
Consider using a past participle here: "made".
make
sense.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
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new
dresses and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cosmetic items enhance the confidence in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
especially
in youngsters, when they wear it. This confidence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
approach towards their work.
For example
, a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well dressed
employee in a
This word is normally spelled as one.
multi national
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
will feel confident, when he/she chair meeting with chair person of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason is, nowadays psychologists opined that wearing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashioned
clothes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the chance for depression. They argue that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who wear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashioned
clothes
gradually
pick up a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "attitude"?
attitudes
towards the lie.
Thus
, the chances for depression in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
considerably
less than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
raises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious allegations against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
one among this is,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
is a mere wastage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
basic things need to
be tackled
urgently
such as education for all, infrastructure development, shelter for all e. t. c. They
further
argue that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the globe suffering without food and medicines.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashioned
items
rather
give this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for charitable works.
Secondly
, when rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashions
the difference between rich and poor will increase and this will create serious problems in the society.
Moreover
, children in poor families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
fight their parents in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashioned
dress, which their hero wears on the screen. This could not afford for poor families.

To conclude
, I
strongly
feel,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
is a mere wastage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
better spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people argue that fashion items cost too much money Others say that this is acceptable because fashion is an important part of life 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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