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“Some people think that teachers and education professionals should make all of the important decisions about what subjects are taught in schools. Others think that business and industry professionals should make all of major decisions. Which view do you v.2

“Some people think that teachers and education professionals should make all of the important decisions about what subjects are taught in schools. Others think that business and industry professionals should make all of major decisions. Which view do you v. 2
There were always a big debate on what should be taught in schools and what is really useful for the future of children. Usually debaters divide into two major groups. One education professionals and two, industry professionals. First of all we should now what those two groups do and what can they offer, specifically to educational system like schools. Teachers and education professionals usually are not great business men specially school teachers and almost no one expects them to be great business men. What teachers do is facing their students with the basics, basics of science, theory of many things which they might come across in the future in industrial companies. In the other hand, business and industry professionals are people who have successfully reached the position they are in, now. This can mean they probably have learnt the basic of what they are doing, well and also have been in the path of being a successful person in what they do now. But nowadays in schools we see many classes which basics which mentioned are taught, laboratories which students do experiments in them and many workrooms for student which let them experience manufacturing things with their own hands. We do not expect schools to prepare students to work in industrial companies. Those preparations are college and university responsibilities. All we expect from schools is to start teaching the basics of what students will learn more detailed at colleges and universities and only show them a glimpse of what they might do in the future in industry. So we can say that major decisions for schools should be made by teachers and education professionals who also can use some help from industry professionals in order to plan some workrooms for students. but for colleges and universities this is totally different.
There were always a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
debate on what should
be taught
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and what is
really
useful for the future of children.
Usually
debaters divide into two major groups. One education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
and two, industry professionals.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
what those two groups do and what can they offer,
specifically
to educational system like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teachers
and education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
The adverb 'usually' usually goes after the verb 'are'.
usually are
not great business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
specially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and almost no one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expects
them to be great business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. What
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
do is facing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with the basics, basics of science, theory of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things which they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across in the future in industrial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

In the other hand, business and industry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have
successfully
reached the position they are in,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. This can mean they
probably
have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
of what they are doing, well and
also
have been in the path of being a successful person in what they do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
nowadays in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
classes which basics which mentioned
are taught
, laboratories which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do experiments in them and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
workrooms for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them experience manufacturing things with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
hands. We do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to work in industrial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. Those preparations are college and university responsibilities. All we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
teaching the basics of what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will learn more detailed at colleges and universities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
them a glimpse of what they might do in the future in industry.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we can say that major decisions for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should
be made
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
who
also
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from industry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
in order to plan
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
workrooms for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
but
for colleges and universities this is
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay “Some people think that teachers and education professionals should make all of the important decisions about what subjects are taught in schools. Others think that business and industry professionals should make all of major decisions. Which view do you v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
300 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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