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Some people argue that fashion items cost too much money. Others say that this is acceptable because fashion is an important part of life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and v.1

Some people argue that fashion items cost too much money. Others say that this is acceptable because fashion is an important part of life. 1
There is no doubt that these days a quite good number of people think that it’s too expensive to buy fashionable clothing or even stuff. While others support the idea that appearance and fashion have big priority in our societies, and it’s always admissible to pend a lot of money on them. Nowadays and with all of these advertisements, we are encouraged by big companies to spend a lot every single day only for purchasing new and fashionable things. That totally misses using! We pay for the advertisements more than what we pay for the materials themselves. I think we should pay that big amount of stuff that really deserves it, otherwise it is all about cheating on us to pay more and more for less benefits. There are of course other disadvantages of purchasing today’s modern clothing. One of them, is that we are encouraging companies to kill animals because we find their leather very unique and fashionable, and they sell it to us with very high prices. While the other kinds of leather are outmoded “from companies perspective” and that is why they are very cheap. So here is the problem, how natural the product is how more experience it is. And of course, there is no needed to explain how bad that is for the environment. The only advantage that I see from to accept paying a lot for this stuff, is that it develops our creativity because of the new ideas of making theses materials and using different ways of making them. Al with all I think that the disadvantages are more than the advantages, and we have to be aware about everything happens around us. But the choices are always up to you to decide whether you want to give your money for expensive things or not.
There is no doubt that these days a quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it’s too expensive to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
fashionable clothing or even stuff. While others support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that appearance and fashion have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
priority in our societies, and it’s always admissible to pend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money on them.

Nowadays and with all of these advertisements, we
are encouraged
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to spend a lot every single day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for purchasing new and fashionable things. That
totally
misses using! We
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for the advertisements more than what we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for the materials themselves. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
amount of stuff that
really
deserves it,
otherwise
it is all about cheating on us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
more and more for
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun benefits is countable.
less
benefits.

There are
of course
other disadvantages of purchasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s modern clothing. One of them, is that we are encouraging
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to kill animals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we find their leather
Consider using "unique".
very unique
and fashionable, and they sell it to us with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high prices. While the other kinds of leather
are outmoded
“from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
perspective” and
that is
why they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
here is the problem, how natural the product is how more experience it is. And
of course
, there is no needed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
that is
for the environment.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
advantage that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
from to accept paying a lot for this stuff, is that it develops our creativity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
of making
Did you mean "these"?
theses
materials and using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways of making them.

Al with all I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the disadvantages are more than the advantages, and we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be aware about everything happens around us.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the choices are always up to you to decide whether you want to give your money for expensive things or not.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people argue that fashion items cost too much money. Others say that this is acceptable because fashion is an important part of life. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
302 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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