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Some people argue that arts, such as paintings and music, are a waste of money and the government should spend this money on other public services. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

Some people argue that arts, such as paintings and music, are a waste of money and the government should spend this money on other public services. with this statement? v. 1
Subsidizing arts branches such as drawing or music by governments, recently, has become an extremely controversial issue. A number of people believe that the money, which is spent on such fields, should be saved to benefit other public services, while others, including me, argue that supporting arts financially is indispensable on account of its pivotal role in mirroring cultures and raising emotional generations. To commence with, I and advocates of the approach of adopting arts governmentally contend that it is paramount for depicting and documenting the shape of countries` cultures. Take, for instance, the paintings of old Egyptian civilization, which give detailed pieces of information about this era and the pristine traditions of Egyptians. Therefore, had not been for such images, which are protected and maintained by government, the ethnic cultural aspects would have been missed. This why I insist that in order to keep nations` history, governments should assume responsibility for spending on arts. Further and even more importantly, though, playing on musical instruments, singing, or even dancing aids, firmly, in building healthy individuals emotionally. This matter, which was shown by recent researches that clarified that musicians and dancers are often more balanced psychologically. As they could express their feelings by arts means and learn to be more considerate and tender in dealing with others. Hence, such sorts of arts have to be subsidized to raise sound society and minimize the rate of psychological issues. By way of conclusion, whereas some people claim that arts should be replaced by other public services to be subsidized, I wholeheartedly believe that these arts worth to be a chief part from government`s attention.
Subsidizing
arts
branches such as drawing or music by
governments
, recently, has become an
extremely
controversial issue. A number of
people
believe that the money, which
is spent
on such fields, should
be saved
to benefit
other
public services, while others, including me, argue that supporting
arts
financially
is indispensable on account of its pivotal role in mirroring cultures and raising emotional generations.

To commence with, I and advocates of the approach of adopting
arts
governmentally
contend that it is paramount for depicting and documenting the shape of countries` cultures. Take,
for instance
, the paintings of
old
Egyptian civilization, which give detailed pieces of information about this era and the pristine traditions of Egyptians.
Therefore
, had not been for such images, which
are protected
and maintained by
government
, the ethnic cultural aspects would have
been missed
. This why I insist that in order to
keep
nations` history,
governments
should assume responsibility for spending on arts.

Further
and even more
importantly
, though, playing on musical instruments, singing, or even dancing aids,
firmly
, in building healthy individuals
emotionally
. This matter, which
was shown
by recent researches that clarified that musicians and dancers are
often
more balanced
psychologically
. As they could express their feelings by
arts
means and learn to be more considerate and tender in dealing with others.
Hence
, such sorts of
arts
have to
be subsidized
to raise sound society and minimize the rate of psychological issues.

By way of conclusion, whereas
some
people
claim that
arts
should
be replaced
by
other
public services to
be subsidized
, I
wholeheartedly
believe that these
arts
worth to be a chief part from
government`s
attention.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
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IELTS essay Some people argue that arts, such as paintings and music, are a waste of money and the government should spend this money on other public services. with this statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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