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Some people argue that arts, such as paintings and music, are a waste of money and the government should spend this money on other public services. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.3

Some people argue that arts, such as paintings and music, are a waste of money and the government should spend this money on other public services. with this statement? v. 3
Many adults believe that arts are essentials for our life, others argue that arts, such as music and painting, are a waste of money, and therefore authorities should allocate this money on public services. I hold the view that this social thinking is a positive development because of the lack of public services in the society, such as health and education services. To start with, some people and I are of the belief that spending money on arts are a waste of money. In other words, arts and music should be funded by private companies because it may be considered as a profit organization, and therefore to contribute positively in the society authorities could encourage individuals to participate in both arts and music. According to a survey conducted by The Times news, almost 60% of overall arts and music media provided by private organizations which are made by private business. It may be assumed that spending money by government on this sector of the society is a waste of money. In addition to this, government should spend money on public services. To illustrate more, public services, such as health and education, these things determine the quality of life that most of us have. For instance, in the developing countries, the government should allocate more resources on health to improve the health system. If the government does not spend enough money on hospitals, the health of our society may decline; government at the end is responsible to provide better health service for all members of the society. Hence, government must spend a large part of its budget on public services rather than arts or music. To conclude, although there is an argue on spending money either on arts and music or on public services, it depends on the progress of the nation. In my opinion, in developing countries, authorities should spend a large part of its budget on public services to rather that spending on arts and music.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
adults believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are essentials for our life, others argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and painting, are a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, and
therefore
authorities should allocate this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
. I hold the view that this social thinking is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and education services.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and I are of the belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
should
be funded
by private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it may
be considered
as a profit organization, and
therefore
to contribute
positively
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
authorities could encourage individuals to participate in both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. According to a survey conducted by The Times news, almost 60% of
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
media provided by private organizations which
are made
by private business. It may
be assumed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
on this sector of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is a waste of money.

In addition
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
. To illustrate more,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and education, these things determine the quality of life that most of us have.
For instance
, in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should allocate more resources on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
system. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on hospitals, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
may decline;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
is responsible to provide better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
for all members of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
a large part of its budget on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
or music.

To conclude
, although there is
After 'an', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'argue' is correct. If 'argue' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
an argue
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
either on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
or on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, it depends on the progress of the nation. In my opinion, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
, authorities should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
a large part of its budget on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
to
rather
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
63Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Some people argue that arts, such as paintings and music, are a waste of money and the government should spend this money on other public services. with this statement? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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