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Some people believe all the company decisions should be taken by the managers, whereas others think it is better to include employee while making decisions. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe all the company decisions should be taken by the managers, whereas others think it is better to include employee while making decisions. v. 1
The success of an organization depends on its internal and external factors. While many are of the opinion that the decisions of a company ought to be taken by executives, I believe the best method is to incorporate staff members when making decisions. There are some good reasons why some feel employers need to make company decisions. The reason behind this is people who are in higher management positions, taking wise decisions at the right time. To exemplify, owners of tech companies may need well- talented individuals to drive their business to success, and therefore, they may hire the best programmers whenever they lack these positions. Also, managers have a broad idea about internal factors which influence on the organization. A good example of this is the strength of employees like a high level of computer skills would be a great asset to the company. Coming to the other side, I support those who consider that bosses should not neglect their workers when making decisions. This is because staff would feel that their ideas are precious to the business, and also develop confidence that employers would respect employee decisions. Such a development would often motivate workers to work hard, and it leads to the success of a business. In addition, senior employees may have wide experience and strong knowledge, particularly in their field, and this strength is required in decision making. To illustrate this, a boss could give a chance to their senior technical team to make suggestions to improve the current computer system of a company. This is because they are experts in their knowledge and experience. In conclusion, although many hold the view that senior managers have to make decisions for their company, however, it is my firm belief that they should consider their employee involvement in the creation of decisions.
The success of an organization depends on its internal and external factors. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
are of the opinion that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
ought to
be taken
by executives, I believe the best method is to incorporate staff members when making decisions.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feel employers need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
. The reason behind this is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are in higher management positions, taking wise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
at the right time. To exemplify, owners of tech
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
may need well- talented individuals to drive their business to success, and
therefore
, they may hire the best programmers whenever they lack these positions.
Also
, managers have a broad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about internal factors which influence on the organization. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this is the strength of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
like a high level of computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
would be a great asset to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

Coming to the other side, I support those who consider that bosses should not neglect their workers when making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
staff would feel that their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
are precious to the business, and
also
develop confidence that employers would respect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
. Such a development would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
motivate workers to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
, and it leads to the success of a business.
In addition
, senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
may have wide experience and strong knowledge,
particularly
in their field, and this strength
is required
in
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
. To illustrate this, a boss could give a chance to their senior technical team to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
suggestions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
computer system of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are experts in their knowledge and experience.

In conclusion
, although
Possible agreement error. The noun hold seems to be countable; consider using: "many holds".
many hold
the view that senior managers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
,
however
, it is my firm belief that they should consider their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
involvement in the creation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe all the company decisions should be taken by the managers, whereas others think it is better to include employee while making decisions. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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