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Some people argue that arts, such as paintings and music, are a waste of money and the government should spend this money on other public services. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement v.7

Some people argue that arts, such as paintings and music, are a waste of money and the government should spend this money on other public services. with this statement v. 7
In the today's world, everybody has a lot of workload in the day to day life. Apparently, some extra activities like art and craft, will might play a positive role for all of us. According to me, if the government is spending money on all of these programmes, then this will be a good decision and I have pretty much agreed with the notion. First and foremost, now a days, most of the persons having a busy schedule due to their work and job and most of them are unable to afford the visit in extra activities for their rejuvenation. Now, if the government will spend money over the art and music centres then it will be easy for the normal people to go there and explore. Because, they will charge less as compared to public centres. For example, a number of people want to learn such kind of skills, but the avoid due to the lack of centres. Secondly, in this competitive era, every student is running to compete with their classmates. Due to this, sometimes, they left their talent behind them because of so much overburden of studies. As the result, they feel depression and anxiety. However, if government tends to open centre for the extra curricular activities, then every student will get a chance to go there and increase their inner strength and motivation. On the flip side, it is also good to spend some amount over the public sectors, but leisure activities are not worthless. To conclude, public services are also equally mandatory for the society, but we cannot avoid the other activities due to the public services. Because, it will provide a work-life balance in everyone's life.
In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, everybody has
Possible agreement error. The noun workload seems to be countable; consider using: "a lot of workloads".
a lot of workload
in the
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life.
Apparently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like art and craft, will might play a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
role for all of us.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is spending money on all of these
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
, then this will be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
decision and I have pretty much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
with the notion.

First
and foremost,
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
, most of the persons having a busy schedule
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to their work and job and most of them are unable to afford the visit in extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for their rejuvenation.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will spend money over the art and music
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
then it will be easy for the normal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to go there and explore.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, they will charge less
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
For example
, a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to learn such kind of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'avoid' is correct. If 'avoid' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the lack of
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.

Secondly
, in this competitive era, every student is running to compete with their classmates.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
their talent behind them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much overburden of studies. As the result, they feel depression and anxiety.
However
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
tends to open
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
for the
This word is normally spelled as one.
extra curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, then every student will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to go there and increase their inner strength and motivation. On the flip side, it is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
sectors,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are not worthless.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
services are
also
equally
mandatory for the society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we cannot avoid the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
services.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, it will provide a work-life balance in everyone's life.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Some people argue that arts, such as paintings and music, are a waste of money and the government should spend this money on other public services. with this statement v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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