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Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree? v.10

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. v. 10
Voluntary works are thought to be beneficial to both students and the community, thus some people insist that it should be mandatory for adolescent to contribute their spare time into social activities. Personally, I completely agree with this suggestion as I believe that it would foster the growth of both citizens and society. The majority of teenagers nowadays prefer to stay indoors rather than be active and participate in outdoor activity, hence through mandatory volunteering they would interact more with local people and the environment. It is likely that they would progressively become more active and socialize as they form healthy habits with new friends. By going to various places, they have the chance to comprehend different walk of lives and neighbourhoods. Moreover, students would learn valuable lessons involving in the activities. For instance, if they volunteer at nursing home, they would learn to respect and take care of their grandparents. As the young become more enthusiastic in the community, the society as a whole will develop strong and affectionately. The disable and elderly will have someone that takes care of them daily or weekly which would improve their physical and mental health. Rate of pollution certainly will decline since teenagers have acknowledged its detrimental effect through practical voluntary trips. Juvenile crimes would not be a major problem as most of the students are working to help others in their free time. In conclusion, voluntary activities encourage personal and communal development in a multitude of facets. Cities should implement social work for students to strengthen their skills and bond the community relationship.
Voluntary works are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be beneficial to both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and the community,
thus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
insist that it should be mandatory for adolescent to contribute their spare time into social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Personally
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this suggestion as I believe that it would foster the growth of both citizens and society.

The majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
nowadays prefer to stay indoors
rather
than be active and participate in outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
,
hence
through mandatory volunteering they would interact more with local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and the environment. It is likely that they would
progressively
become more active and socialize as they form healthy habits with new friends. By going to various places, they have the chance to comprehend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
walk of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhoods' is British English.
neighbourhoods
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would learn valuable lessons involving in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
For instance
, if they volunteer at nursing home, they would learn to respect and take care of their grandparents.

As the young become more enthusiastic in the community, the society as a whole will develop strong and
affectionately
.
After 'The', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'disable' is correct. If 'disable' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
The disable
and elderly will have someone that takes care of them daily or weekly which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their physical and mental health. Rate of pollution
certainly
will decline since
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have acknowledged its detrimental effect through practical voluntary trips. Juvenile crimes would not be a major problem as most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are working to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
others in their free time.

In conclusion
, voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
encourage personal and communal development in a multitude of facets. Cities should implement social work for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to strengthen their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and bond the community relationship.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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