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More and more youngsters are being allowed unsupervised access to the internet in order to meet and chat with friends. What dangers could result from this? How can these dangers be prevented? v.1

More and more youngsters are being allowed unsupervised access to the internet in order to meet and chat with friends. What dangers could result from this? How can these dangers be prevented? v. 1
The numbers of teenagers are able to use the internet interacting with their friends without supervising. In this essay, I intend to explore the outcomes of this and suggest many possible preventions. Chief among the result of this problem is that children may become the victims of cyber crimes, which causes some adverse impacts on their physical and mental damage. Firstly, youngsters could be misguided to do some things which they do not understand how the danger they are involved in. For example, when it comes to some young girls interacting with any strangers who turn out to be online predators, it may happen that they are threatened by anonymous people and forced to process some illegal sexual activities. Another danger which results from online dating is that children are encouraged to conduct drug deals or violent activities. As a result, children would end up falling into depression or ruin their future. In order to prevent the problems of this, we must take some actions before it happens. There is no doubt that parents are the main responsible roles to conduct their children's behaviour. Therefore, they should keep an eye on each child's online social movements and talk to them about the danger of meeting strangers from the internet. Another potential suggestion would be that parents need to spend more time engaging in leisure activities with their children together. This, hence, could not only help their kids to cultivate new habits, but also reduce the use of the internet. In conclusion, it is the unavoidable fact that some kinds of online crimes are still happening every day. However, if many families take more consideration of their children, I believe those suggestions can reduce the online crimes happening.
The numbers of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet interacting with their friends without supervising. In this essay, I intend to explore the outcomes of this and suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
possible
Possible spelling mistake found.
preventions
.

Chief among the result of this problem is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may become the victims of cyber crimes, which causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adverse impacts on their physical and mental damage.
Firstly
, youngsters could
be misguided
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
things which they do not understand how the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
they
are involved
in.
For example
, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
young girls interacting with any strangers who turn out to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
predators, it may happen that they
are threatened
by anonymous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and forced to process
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
illegal sexual activities. Another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
which results from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
dating is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are encouraged
to conduct drug deals or violent activities.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up falling into depression or ruin their future.

In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the problems of this, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
actions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it happens. There is no doubt that parents are the main responsible roles to conduct their children's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
Therefore
, they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on each child's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
social movements and talk to them about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of meeting strangers from the internet. Another potential suggestion would be that parents need to spend more time engaging in leisure activities with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
together. This,
hence
, could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their kids to cultivate new habits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet.

In conclusion
, it is the unavoidable fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
crimes are
still
happening every day.
However
, if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families take more consideration of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, I believe those suggestions can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
crimes happening.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay More and more youngsters are being allowed unsupervised access to the internet in order to meet and chat with friends. What dangers could result from this? How can these dangers be prevented? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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