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Some people argue that arts, such as painting and music, are a waste of money and the government should spend this money on other public services. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

Some people argue that arts, such as painting and music, are a waste of money and the government should spend this money on other public services. with this statement? v. 1
In the modern era, attention to the value of art has risen significantly. Number of galleries, concerts, festivals and etc. Shows that there is a great financial aspect. There are groups of people who consider this expenditure misdirected. By this they mean this amount of money should be redirected to public services instead. I strongly disagree with them, because in my opinion the value of the art is not less than other public services. First of all, art is a very fundamental part of the culture. Throughout the history, communities have always published their views, beliefs and values in the form of paintings, sculptures, music and other forms of art. Therefore, presenting those artefacts today helps us study their culture, which in return results in a better understanding of historical processes. Only by analysing its own background a society can plan for its future. This should be also said that most artists have always had a sense of responsibility about political and social issues. As a result, they have displayed their opinion in their works. This shows the great potential of art to raise awareness among others. Although understanding a political situation could be very hard for the common, but depicting it in a painting enables the audience to better conceive the idea. Ultimately, they will be able to decide more clearly and wisely. In conclusion, there is a huge budget assigned to art, which some argue that could be used to address more and more problems with the public service. But I believe that the value gained from advocating art is as much as what could be gained from public services.
In the modern era, attention to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
has risen
significantly
. Number of galleries, concerts, festivals
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Shows
that there is a great financial aspect. There are groups of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who consider this expenditure misdirected. By this they mean this amount of money should
be redirected
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
services
instead
. I
strongly
disagree with them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in my opinion the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is not less than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
services.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
fundamental part of the culture. Throughout the history, communities have always published their views, beliefs and values in the form of paintings, sculptures, music and other forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
Therefore
, presenting those
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us study their culture, which in return results in a better understanding of historical processes.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
by
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
background a society can plan for its future.

This should be
also
said that most artists have always had a sense of responsibility about political and social issues.
As a result
, they have displayed their opinion in their works. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the great potential of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
to raise awareness among others. Although understanding a political situation could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for the common,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
depicting it in a painting enables the audience to better conceive the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
Ultimately
, they will be able to decide more
clearly
and
wisely
.

In conclusion
, there is a huge budget assigned to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to address more and more problems with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
service.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
gained from advocating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is as much as what could
be gained
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
services.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some people argue that arts, such as painting and music, are a waste of money and the government should spend this money on other public services. with this statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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