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Government investment in the arts, such as music and painting is the waste of money government must invest this money in public services instead. v.1

Government investment in the arts, such as music and painting is the waste of money government must invest this money in public services instead. v. 1
One of the most debatable issue today relates to administrative spend much money on the music and theatre while other argue that is it much better for government to spend money on other development. I am going to discuss the aformentioned views in the upcoming paragraphs. On one side of the argument that people who argue that the invest on art is a wastage of money considerably outweigh it' s disadvantages. The main reason for believing this is that People who idea it is a negative aspect have their own justification because majority of people tend to be a lack of awareness, they have not knowledge about arts, it is the part of our culture and tradition. For instance, in India Maharaja Ranjit Singh museum the paintings depict the our background and our culture. As well as music show our language. However, a definite actions could be taken to mitigate of obviously art and music is necessary, but spend money on education is tend to be reduced the econical burdan on parents. As a consequence, every student achieve education as they tend to be belong poor or rich. Because today' s era majority of the people' s are deprived for higher education. On the another hand, it is also possible to make the opposing case children learn the knowledge about other culture and tradition, but some time people have no food such as, house or food provide the jobs, and finish illetracy is best method of investment instead of arts. To conclusions, although there are good reasons for believing but I am agree with this statement because there are lack of space for government to spend money like, hospital and school, it is important as compared to arts I believe that education is more effective method that should be adopted by government which help it grow to strong adult.
One of the most debatable issue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
relates to administrative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the music and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
while other argue
that is
it much better for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on other development. I am going to discuss the
Possible spelling mistake found.
aformentioned
views in the upcoming paragraphs.

On one side of the argument that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who argue that
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'invest' is correct. If 'invest' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the invest
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is a wastage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
considerably
outweigh
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s disadvantages. The main reason for believing this is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspect have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
justification
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to be a lack of awareness, they have not knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, it is the part of our culture and tradition.
For instance
, in India
Possible spelling mistake found.
Maharaja
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ranjit
Singh museum the paintings depict
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "our background" or "the background"?
the our background
and our culture.
As well
as music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
our language.

However
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "action"?
actions
could
be taken
to mitigate of
obviously
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and music is necessary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
Consider using a past participle here: "tended".
tend
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
econical
Possible spelling mistake found.
burdan
on parents. As a consequence, every student achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
as they tend to be
Consider using a past participle here: "belonged".
belong
poor or rich.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s era majority of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
are deprived
for higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. On the another hand, it is
also
possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the opposing case children learn the knowledge about other culture and tradition,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no food such as,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or food provide the jobs, and finish
Possible spelling mistake found.
illetracy
A determiner is probably missing here: "is the best".
is best
method of investment
instead
of arts.

To conclusions, although there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reasons for believing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I am
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are lack of space for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
like, hospital and school, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is more effective method that should
be adopted
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
it grow to strong adult.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Government investment in the arts, such as music and painting is the waste of money government must invest this money in public services instead. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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