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In many countries its now illegal to smoke in public spaces. it's only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

In many countries its now illegal to smoke in public spaces. it's only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. v. 1
While some people argue that children should be promoted to compete, others claim that children should learn how to cooperate to become more successful. Although the sense of competition is useful in some cases, I believe that cooperating is more valuable for children’s future life. This essay will discuss both sides of these views with relevant examples. On the one hand, as it is well known that there is endless competition between individuals all around the world. Moreover, competition is not only between people, but also between companies. Almost every company tries to be more successful than others. For instance, Apple has competed with Samsung for many years. Furthermore, competition generally provides development. Every company tries to do their best in their sector and struggle to improve their income. Competing also influences children. Unfortunately, the education system forces children compete. For example, you should enter an exam to enter a university in Turkey. A student should work hard and be more successful than others to enter a university. If he fails, another student will pass him. Therefore, students should have a sense of competition to achieve their goals. On the other hand, there are some drawbacks of over competition. For instance, it makes people more selfish. In other words, competing, sometimes let people think about only themselves. These kinds of people take into account only their success and they may do everything to reach their goals. However, if we teach our children the importance of co-operating, they will be more successful in their whole life. There is no doubt that people always need others to live. Moreover, people can do everything in a short time if they work together. Therefore, children should learn the importance of teamwork. In this way, they could be more successful in their business life. In conclusion, although competition is needed to improve children’s success, I firmly believe that the sense of co-operation is more crucial for their entire life.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be promoted
to compete, others claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should learn how to cooperate to become more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
. Although the sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is useful in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, I believe that cooperating is more valuable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
future life. This essay will discuss both sides of these views with relevant examples.

On the one hand, as it is well known that there is endless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
between individuals all around the world.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. Almost every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
tries to be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
than others.
For instance
, Apple has competed with Samsung for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
generally
provides development. Every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
tries to do their best in their sector and struggle to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their income. Competing
also
influences
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Unfortunately, the education system forces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
compete.
For example
, you should enter an exam to enter a university in Turkey. A student should work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
than others to enter a university. If he fails, another student will pass him.
Therefore
, students should have a sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
to achieve their goals.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks of over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
.
For instance
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more selfish. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, competing,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
themselves. These kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take into account
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
success and
they may do everything to reach their goals.
However
, if we teach our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the importance of co-operating, they will be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
in their whole life. There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always need others to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can do everything in a short time if they work together.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should learn the importance of teamwork. In this way, they could be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
in their business life.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is needed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
success, I
firmly
believe that the sense of co-operation is more crucial for their entire life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries its now illegal to smoke in public spaces. it's only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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