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Some people are in favour of opening more sports centers at multiple accessible locations, while others put their weight on the other measures v.1

Some people are in favour of opening more sports centers at multiple accessible locations, while others put their weight on the other measures v. 1
Life is becoming increasingly busy nowadays, and the concept of keeping oneself physically active is declining. Some people are in favour of opening more sports centers at multiple accessible locations, while others put their weight on the other measures which benefit the human body through yoga, massage centers and chiropractor clinics. The first noticeable problem is that most of the sports centers are not easily accessible to people, and they need to commute at a far distance to avail of this opportunity. It has been more valid for people who have office jobs and are working on a set time pattern because once they finished their day, they are so tired and lazy to visit any gym or sports facility. For instance, In one of the recent surveys carried out by Pasons Inc. , employees have voted in enormous favour of visiting the gym if it is located in the same building. Moreover, they have opted the best time to exercise was in the morning or at noontime. Furthermore, these physical recreational centers are another way of socializing with people. It is a hard truth that we all are so busy making our ends meet that we have no time left to socialize and communicate with other people, and if we do, it will be wasted on social media websites like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. On the other hand, the argument brought forward by the second group of people is to open the facilities that have a significant effect on the human brain, body and soul. The options presented are chiropractor clinics, massage centers and Yoga centers. The latest research has proven that yoga positively affects a person's mood and indirectly heal from some medical-related issues like blood pressure, anxiety, and the list goes on. To conclude, sports facilities should be available in abundance in every possible location to encourage people to join as it will not only affect their physical health but also enables them to socialize and meet new people. Hence, my opinion is entirely in favour of having more sports facilities.
Life is becoming
increasingly
busy nowadays, and the concept of keeping oneself
physically
active is declining.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of opening more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
centers
at multiple accessible locations, while others put their weight on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures which benefit the human body through yoga, massage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
centers
and chiropractor clinics.

The
first
noticeable problem is that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
centers
are not
easily
accessible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and they need to commute at a far distance to avail of this opportunity. It has been more valid for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have office jobs and are working on a set time pattern
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
once they finished their day, they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
tired and lazy to visit any gym or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facility.
For instance
, In one of the recent surveys carried out by
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pasons
Inc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
employees have voted in enormous
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of visiting the gym if it
is located
in the same building.
Moreover
, they have opted the best time to exercise was in the morning or at noontime.

Furthermore
, these physical recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
centers
are another way of socializing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
truth that we all are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
busy making our ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
that we have no time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to socialize and communicate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and if we do, it will
be wasted
on social media websites like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the argument brought forward by the second group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is to open the facilities that have a significant effect on the human brain, body and soul. The options presented are chiropractor clinics, massage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
centers
and Yoga
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
centers
. The latest research has proven that yoga
positively
affects a person's mood and
indirectly
heal from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
medical-related issues like blood pressure, anxiety, and the list goes on.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities should be available in abundance in every possible location to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
as it will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affect their physical health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
enables them to socialize and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Hence
, my opinion is
entirely
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of having more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Some people are in favour of opening more sports centers at multiple accessible locations, while others put their weight on the other measures v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
344 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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