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Many working people get littler or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many people working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v.1

Many working people get littler or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many people working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 1
With the advancement of technology, the modern way of living has become really comfortable. Whether it be work, or staying at home over the weekend. The offices these days has made life of employees very easy. There is almost no physical movement involved in most of the occupations. They are also not getting time to exercise, which is causing a bad effect on their health. Moreover, there is no natural body movement involved in the workplace. So it becomes very important to indulge in some exercise regularly to keep the body fit and healthy. The way people work these days has greatly changed. In the early days, most of the work used to involve some physical activity, so even if they were not doing any exercise, their bodies were fit and healthy. But these days most of the work is being done staying stationary, involving almost no physical movement. Also, there is stress of work these days, and most of the time people are working even over the weekends. Because of this a lot of health issues are being seen in current generation. For example, in a recent survey published by the US Health Center, the number of people getting heart attack these days is increasing at a rapid rate. Also, the obesity among people have increased. All this is due to no exercise or no physical movement. People should not ignore their health. There are a number of ways, a person can incorporate in his lifestyle for a better health. For instance, if they are not getting time to exercise, then they should keep on doing some stretching at their work place itself. They can avoid transportation to work place and can go by walking. They can follow a healthy diet. In conclusion, they should not forget that health is wealth.
With the advancement of technology, the modern way of living has become
really
comfortable. Whether it be
work
, or staying at home over the weekend. The offices these days has made life of employees
very
easy. There is almost no
physical
movement involved in most of the occupations. They are
also
not getting time to
exercise
, which is causing a
bad
effect on their
health
.
Moreover
, there is no natural body movement involved in the workplace.
So
it becomes
very
important
to indulge in
some
exercise
regularly
to
keep
the body fit and healthy.

The way
people
work
these days has
greatly
changed
. In the early days, most of the
work
used
to involve
some
physical
activity,
so
even if they were not doing any
exercise
, their bodies
were fit
and healthy.
But
these days most of the
work
is
being done
staying stationary, involving almost no
physical
movement.
Also
, there is
stress
of
work
these days, and most of the time
people
are working even over the weekends.
Because
of this
a lot of
health
issues are being
seen
in
current
generation.
For example
, in a recent survey published by the US
Health
Center, the number of
people
getting heart attack these days is increasing at a rapid rate.
Also
, the obesity among
people
have increased. All this is due to no
exercise
or no
physical
movement.

People
should not
ignore
their
health
. There are a number of ways, a person can incorporate in his lifestyle for a better
health
.
For instance
, if they are not getting time to
exercise
, then they should
keep
on doing
some
stretching at their
work
place itself. They can avoid transportation to
work
place and can go by walking. They can follow a healthy diet.
In conclusion
, they should not forget that
health
is wealth.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay Many working people get littler or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many people working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
302 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resources: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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