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Many working people get littler or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many people working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v.1

Many working people get littler or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many people working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 1
With the advancement of technology, the modern way of living has become really comfortable. Whether it be work, or staying at home over the weekend. The offices these days has made life of employees very easy. There is almost no physical movement involved in most of the occupations. They are also not getting time to exercise, which is causing a bad effect on their health. Moreover, there is no natural body movement involved in the workplace. So it becomes very important to indulge in some exercise regularly to keep the body fit and healthy. The way people work these days has greatly changed. In the early days, most of the work used to involve some physical activity, so even if they were not doing any exercise, their bodies were fit and healthy. But these days most of the work is being done staying stationary, involving almost no physical movement. Also, there is stress of work these days, and most of the time people are working even over the weekends. Because of this a lot of health issues are being seen in current generation. For example, in a recent survey published by the US Health Center, the number of people getting heart attack these days is increasing at a rapid rate. Also, the obesity among people have increased. All this is due to no exercise or no physical movement. People should not ignore their health. There are a number of ways, a person can incorporate in his lifestyle for a better health. For instance, if they are not getting time to exercise, then they should keep on doing some stretching at their work place itself. They can avoid transportation to work place and can go by walking. They can follow a healthy diet. In conclusion, they should not forget that health is wealth.
With the advancement of technology, the modern way of living has become
really
comfortable. Whether it be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, or staying at home over the weekend. The offices these days has made life of employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy. There is almost no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
movement involved in most of the occupations. They are
also
not getting time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, which is causing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effect on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Moreover
, there is no natural body movement involved in the workplace.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it becomes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to indulge in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
regularly
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the body fit and healthy.

The way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
these days has
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. In the early days, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to involve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
even if they were not doing any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, their bodies
were fit
and healthy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
these days most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is
being done
staying stationary, involving almost no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
movement.
Also
, there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
these days, and most of the time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are working even over the weekends.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
of this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation.
For example
, in a recent survey published by the US
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
Center, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
getting heart attack these days is increasing at a rapid rate.
Also
, the obesity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have increased. All this is due to no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
or no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
movement.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. There are a number of ways, a person can incorporate in his lifestyle for a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
For instance
, if they are not getting time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, then they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
stretching at their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
place itself. They can avoid transportation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
place and can go by walking. They can follow a healthy diet.
In conclusion
, they should not forget that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is wealth.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many working people get littler or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many people working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
302 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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