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Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.2

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
Recently, with the advancements in technology, governments tend to monitor people’s daily behavior by different methods such as security cameras. However, most individuals are unaware of the fact that they are being monitored. This essay will illustrate how the positive aspects of monitoring are far more important than the negative ones. On the one hand, many people get stressed by the idea that they are being watched since as they prefer to keep their life private. Furthermore, Recorded data might be hacked and used for crimes or fraud such as cases in which a hacker uses the saved data to get a credit card number. if the recorded data is not well- protected, it might cause disastrous damage. On the other hand, the main objective of monitoring devices is to protect the public. In the case of crimes, monitoring devices will be of great assistance to the police so they can catch the criminals quickly. For example, new GPS devices that are programmed to specify the location of stolen cars can save a lot of time and harm. The process of monitoring help to decrease the crimes rates and promotes justice in society by providing the sheer truth. Even though many people might want their lives to be confidential, many would rather safety to privacy. To conclude, we all tend to keep ourselves and our families secure. thus, we need to be more flexible with the fact that we are being monitored and appreciate the technological developments that are making our life much easier and safer.
Recently, with the advancements in technology,
governments
tend to monitor
people
’s daily behavior by
different
methods such as security cameras.
However
, most individuals are unaware of the fact that they are
being monitored
. This essay will illustrate how the
positive
aspects of
monitoring
are far more
important
than the
negative
ones.

On the one hand,
many
people
get
stressed
by the
idea
that they are being
watched
since as they prefer to
keep
their life private.
Furthermore
, Recorded data might
be hacked
and
used
for crimes or fraud such as cases in which a hacker
uses
the saved data to
get
a credit card number.
if
the recorded data is not well- protected, it might cause disastrous damage.

On the other hand
, the main objective of
monitoring
devices is to protect the public. In the case of crimes,
monitoring
devices will be of great assistance to the police
so
they can catch the criminals
quickly
.
For example
, new GPS devices that
are programmed
to specify the location of stolen cars can save
a lot of
time and harm. The process of
monitoring
help
to decrease the crimes rates and promotes justice in society by providing the sheer truth.
Even though
many
people
might want their
lives
to be confidential,
many
would
rather
safety to privacy.

To conclude
, we all tend to
keep
ourselves and our families secure.
thus
, we need to be more flexible with the fact that we are
being monitored
and appreciate the technological developments that are making our life much easier and safer.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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