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Some people are convinced that mature age employees are beneficial to a company. Others think that younger employees contribute more and hence more beneficial to a company. Discuss both the views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people are convinced that mature age employees are beneficial to a company. Others think that younger employees contribute more and hence more beneficial to a company. v. 2
Grey-haired employees have been serious contenders to young work force in the modern working sectors. Presently, some people are of the opinion that well matured employees are lucrative for the progress and bright future of a company. By contrast, others advocate that young workers can contribute remarkably in the overall development of a corporation. Here, I would like to account for both the views with my perception. There are manifold point to shore up the former view. First and foremost, the vast experience and knowledge of senior employees make them more valuable for a working sector. To demonstrate, experienced aged workers have ability to do the work more effectively and accurately; simultaneously, the chances of errors are negligible. In addition, ageing employees can make superior decisions to prevent the companies from a massive loss during the time of recession. Consequently, old employees are believed to be the real asset for a working sector. Furthermore, unlike young people, adult workers have more patience, tolerance and discipline to deal with pressure situations and heavy workload. Therefore, such traits make them matchless and their importance in the working sector is the need of an hour. On the contrary, others have conflicting views. They think that young employees are technically advanced, well qualified and more skilful and therefore they can be more productive for the business firms. To illustrate, young employees can operate the latest machines and equipments deliberately whereas old workers often resist the usage of new technology in a working sector because of their orthodox thinking. Adding to it, young employees have done both practical and theoretical studies that make them more skilful to do the work more quickly and efficiently as compare to senior aged workers. Last but not the least, young people are more creative, adaptive and energetic in comparison to their counterparts. Thus, the role of young talent to lift up the status of a working sector is terrific. In my notion, both the aspects hold their valid ground. Undeniably, it is true that the older you get, the wiser you become and therefore adults employees remain in the priority list of companies. However, underestimating the power of youth is a fools paradise. Therefore, a healthy ratio of both the work forces can be quite handy to ensure the best outcomes for a business organization. To recapitulate, employees are called the backbone of a company. In todays competitive era, a combination of old and young work force should be the motto of modern working sectors.
Grey-haired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
have been serious contenders to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
force in the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
sectors.

Presently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that well matured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are lucrative for the progress and bright future of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. By contrast, others advocate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
can contribute
remarkably
in the
overall
development of a corporation. Here, I would like to account for both the views with my perception.

There are manifold point to shore up the former view.
First
and foremost, the vast experience and knowledge of senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them more valuable for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
. To demonstrate, experienced aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
have ability to do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more
effectively
and
accurately
;
simultaneously
, the chances of errors are negligible.
In addition
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
superior decisions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
from a massive loss during the time of recession.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are believed
to be the real asset for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
.
Furthermore
, unlike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
have more patience, tolerance and discipline to deal with pressure situations and heavy workload.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, such traits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them matchless and their importance in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
is the need of an hour.
On the contrary
, others have conflicting views.

They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are
technically
advanced, well qualified and more
Possible spelling mistake. 'skilful' is British English.
skilful
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
they can be more productive for the business firms. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
can operate the latest machines and equipments
deliberately
whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
resist the usage of new technology in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their orthodox thinking. Adding to it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
have done both practical and theoretical studies that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them more
Possible spelling mistake. 'skilful' is British English.
skilful
to do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more
quickly
and
efficiently
as compare to senior aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more creative, adaptive and energetic
in comparison
to their counterparts.
Thus
, the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
talent to
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "lift".
lift up
the status of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
is terrific.

In my notion, both the aspects hold their valid ground.
Undeniably
, it is true that the older you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
, the wiser you become and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
remain in the priority list of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
However
, underestimating the power of youth is a
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "fools'" or "fool's"?
fools
paradise.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, a healthy ratio of both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
forces can be quite handy to ensure the best outcomes for a business organization.

To recapitulate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are called
the backbone of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. In
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
competitive era, a combination of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
force should be the motto of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
54Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people are convinced that mature age employees are beneficial to a company. Others think that younger employees contribute more and hence more beneficial to a company. v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
416 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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