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Some people are convinced that mature age employees are beneficial to a company. Others think that younger employees contribute more and hence are more beneficial to a company. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people are convinced that mature age employees are beneficial to a company. Others think that younger employees contribute more and hence are more beneficial to a company. v. 1
The benefit of hiring new workers that based on age is debatable. Some believe that hiring older generations will bring value to the company, while others say that the youth are often more advantageous for the organisation's future. This essay will discuss both perspectives and explain why I opt for the latter statement. To start with, mature age employees generally have an extensive experience within the field. The LinkedIn website, for instance, shows that many organisations always look for new workers with 5-7 years of working experiences. Upon survey, researchers discovered that 75% of human resources (HR) prefer to hire individuals with a mature age, since they normally bring better knowledge in the office and are likely to do their job quicker. Therefore, older employees are beneficial to the company due to their past experience in the work field. On the other hand, in my opinion, I believe that younger employees often bring two main advantages for the corporation. Firstly, they can provide new insight from the outside perspective. Technology companies such as Amazon, YouTube and Microsoft, for instance, have been known for their success in this modern world due to their constant feature updates generated from their younger employees. In addition, the youth are known to be energetic, which allows them to work further hours than the older people. Hence, selecting the younger generation generally bring success to the organisation by providing new ideas and offer more working hours. In conclusion, companies often believe that hiring mature employees are better due to their knowledge and past experiences. Nevertheless, in my opinion, I believe that the youth brings more benefits and success to the corporation, as they will be able to give new insight and offer extra hours in the office.
The benefit of hiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
workers that based on age is debatable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that hiring older generations will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
value to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, while others say that the youth are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
more advantageous for the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
's future. This essay will discuss both perspectives and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why I opt for the latter statement.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, mature age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
generally
have an extensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
within the field. The LinkedIn website,
for instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
always look for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
workers with 5-7 years of working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
. Upon survey, researchers discovered that 75% of human resources (HR) prefer to hire individuals with a mature age, since they
normally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
better knowledge in the office and are likely to do their job quicker.
Therefore
, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are beneficial to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
due to their past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
in the work field.

On the other hand
, in my opinion, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
two main advantages for the corporation.
Firstly
, they can provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
insight from the outside perspective. Technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
such as Amazon, YouTube and Microsoft,
for instance
, have
been known
for their success in this modern world due to their constant feature updates generated from their younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
In addition
, the youth
are known
to be energetic, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to work
further
hours than the older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Hence
, selecting the younger generation
generally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
success to the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
by providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and offer more working hours.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that hiring mature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are better due to their knowledge and past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
.
Nevertheless
, in my opinion, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
more benefits and success to the corporation, as they will be able to give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
insight and offer extra hours in the office.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people are convinced that mature age employees are beneficial to a company. Others think that younger employees contribute more and hence are more beneficial to a company. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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