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Why is it important to learn a foreign language, and why do you think people learn another language? Give your views with examples. v.2

Why is it important to learn a foreign language, and why do you think people learn another language? Give your views with examples. v. 2
Many people are learning a new foreign language these days and this trend is increasing. There are certainly many benefits of learning a new language. People want to know a new language mainly for travel purpose and for getting a new job in another country. First of all, many people want to be able to converse in a new language so that they can meet new people, and talk to them. That will open a new vista in making new friends. With the advent of social media, people’s desire to meet new people, and to know new culture is not distant dream. Therefore, many of us are ready invest a valuable amount of time, money and efforts to master another language. We hope that this new acquired skill will help us to create new bonding and friendship with people from another corner of the planet. Another important reason why we are willing to learn a new language is the benefits that we can derive from the knowledge of another language. In the globalized world, people may find some suitable career opportunities in another country and in another place. However, it’s not easy to grab such offers if one does not know the local language of that place. That’s why, many people want to learn new language, especially the one spoken in developed country. Knowledge of language can help to get a good employment offer from another country. For example, United Nations has many languages as its official language and advertisements from the UN often mentions that knowledge of any other UN language other than English will be an advantage. That shows the importance of new language learning. In conclusion, learning a foreign language has many advantages. It helps us in travelling to new places, in making friends from faraway lands, and also bolsters our confidence and probability of landing in a good international position.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
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people
are learning a
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new
foreign
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language
these days and this trend is increasing. There are
certainly
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many
benefits of learning a
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new
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language
.
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People
want to know a
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new
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language
mainly
for travel purpose and for getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
job in another country.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to be able to converse in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
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new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and talk to them. That will open a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
vista in making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends. With the advent of social media,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and to know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
culture is not distant dream.
Therefore
,
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many
of us are ready invest a valuable amount of time, money and efforts to master another
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language
. We hope that this
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new
acquired
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skill
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to create
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new
bonding and friendship with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from another corner of the planet.

Another
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important
reason why we are willing to learn a
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new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is the benefits that we can derive from the knowledge of another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. In the globalized world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suitable career opportunities in another country and in another place.
However
, it’s not easy to grab such offers if one does not know the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
of that place. That’s why,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
,
especially
the one spoken in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed country
. Knowledge of
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language
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
employment offer from another country.
For example
, United Nations has
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many
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languages
as its official
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and advertisements from the UN
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
mentions that knowledge of any other UN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
other than English will be an advantage. That
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the importance of
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new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
learning.

In conclusion
, learning a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us in travelling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
places, in making friends from faraway lands, and
also
bolsters our confidence and probability of landing in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
international position.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Why is it important to learn a foreign language, and why do you think people learn another language? Give your views with examples. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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