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Children over 15 should be allowed to make decisions about their lives without the interference of their parents or teachers. Society should accept that children mature at a younger age these days and should adjust the law accordingly. Do you agree or dis v.1

Children over 15 should be allowed to make decisions about their lives without the interference of their parents or teachers. Society should accept that children mature at a younger age these days and should adjust the law accordingly. Do you agree or dis v. 1
The technology and transportation has become the most crucial thing in people's life. They can communicate or even travelling because of the improvement of machinery and shipping. There are several advantages and a few disadvantages about the shipping and telecommunication. On the one hand, there are a few advantages about the improvement of automatic and transport. Firstly, because of the development in technology, people can communicate easily from a specific place to others, so, it will help them to talk to each other from afar. Thus, they can choose any places that they want to work at. Furthermore, the transportation has developed a lot, which help people go from a country to others easily. So, when people need to travel it will help save much of their time. On the other hand, even the benefits have a lot of aspects, there are also several disadvantages. Firstly, as the automation improves it cost more money to buy it because the machine that is used in the high-tech is becoming more expensive. For instance, one of the most popular brand, Apple, a few years ago, this phone cost very cheap, but nowadays this brand is one of the most expensive phone in the world. Moreover, the enhancement of transport makes more pollution to the earth. This is because this transit uses a lot of gasoline, which is bad for the environment. In conclusion, the enhancement of telecommunication and transit give us many advantages because it makes our life become easier and also more efficient
The technology and transportation has become the most crucial thing in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life. They can communicate or even travelling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the improvement of machinery and shipping. There are several advantages and a few disadvantages about the shipping and telecommunication.

On the one hand, there are a few advantages about the improvement of automatic and transport.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the development in technology,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can communicate
easily
from a specific place to others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to talk to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
from afar.
Thus
, they can choose any places that they want to work at.
Furthermore
, the transportation has developed a lot, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
go from a country to others
easily
.
“So , when” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need to travel it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
save much of their time.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, even the benefits have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
aspects, there are
also
several disadvantages.
Firstly
, as the automation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
it cost more money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the machine
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the high-tech is becoming more expensive.
For instance
, one of the most popular brand, Apple, a few years ago, this phone cost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays this brand is one of the most expensive phone in the world.
Moreover
, the enhancement of transport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
more pollution to the earth. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this transit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
gasoline, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for the environment.

In conclusion
, the enhancement of telecommunication and transit give us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our life become easier and
also
more efficient
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Children over 15 should be allowed to make decisions about their lives without the interference of their parents or teachers. Society should accept that children mature at a younger age these days and should adjust the law accordingly. Do you agree or dis v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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