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New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. v.5

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. v. 5
Technology has revolutionized the world and the latest inventions have significantly altered the approach of children spending their leisure time. In my opinion, the disadvantages are outnumbered than its benefits as it not only affects them socially but also physically. Firstly, the prime reason why the latest technology has adversely affected the children's free time is social isolation. In other words, in order to make the most of technology, children refrain themselves from playing outdoor games in their leisure time. Consequently, their social interaction gradually becomes minimal and eventually they become isolated from society. Recent studies in the Times of India has shown that children nowadays are least interested in interacting with others owing to these technological devices or gadgets in their free time as compared to the children in the past. Hence, technology has considerably impacted their social life. Another important point to consider is that children have to pay a huge toll in terms of health due to these new technologies. Since children get tempted to new inventions such as social media, online games and many more, they cannot not hold themselves to use it. As a result, as soon as children get free time they indulge themselves in these activities. It not only affects their health as many get prone to eyesight problems, back pain and obesity but also their eating pattern becomes erratic. Therefore, it is apparent that children physically have to confront many complications because of these new technologies. However, it is irrefutable that new technology has made children tech-savvy at a very young age. Instead of frittering away their free time, they spend it using the latest devices and learn how to use them. Therefore, technology helps them to move in tandem with today's era that not only builds their confidence but also makes them smart and intelligent. To conclude, although the latest technology has changed the way children utilize their free time and make them technically sound, I believe drawbacks are far outweighed than its advantages as it keeps them socially deserted along with the deterioration of their health.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
has revolutionized the world and the latest inventions have
significantly
altered the approach of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spending their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. In my opinion, the disadvantages
are outnumbered
than its benefits as it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affects them
socially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
physically
.

Firstly
, the prime reason why the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
adversely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
isolation.
In other words
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
refrain themselves from playing outdoor games in their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Consequently
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
interaction
gradually
becomes minimal and
eventually
they become isolated from society. Recent studies in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
of India has shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
nowadays are least interested in interacting with others owing to these technological devices or gadgets in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the past.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
considerably
impacted their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
life.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point to consider is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay a huge toll in terms of health due to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
tempted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
inventions such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media, online games and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more, they cannot not hold themselves to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it.
As a result
, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they indulge themselves in these activities. It not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affects their health as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
prone to eyesight problems, back pain and obesity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their eating pattern becomes erratic.
Therefore
, it is apparent that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
physically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
confront
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
complications
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
technologies.

However
, it is irrefutable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tech-savvy at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age.
Instead
of frittering away their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, they spend it using the latest devices and learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
in tandem with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's era that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
builds their confidence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them smart and intelligent.

To conclude
, although the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
utilize their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
technically
sound, I believe drawbacks are far outweighed than its advantages as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
them
socially
deserted along with the deterioration of their health.
22Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. v. 5

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
346 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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