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Some people are born to be the leaders, others believe leadership can be learnt. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.4

Some people are born to be the leaders, others believe leadership can be learnt. v. 4
When it comes down to marriage, age plays a pivotal role in it. Nowadays, men and women tend to get ‎married in their third decade of life, which from my perspective is a smart move because of certain ‎compelling reasons described in this essay. ‎ First and foremost, from an economic prospect, making a family in older ages leads to a brighter future ‎for its members. It is apparent that wives and husbands who get married in their thirties have been already stabilized in ‎their jobs, making them enough money in order to spend for their families. Not only can an older ‎father make a better life for his children, but he can also have more free time to contribute to ‎domestic responsibilities. For example, as a study suggests, children who have a minimum age difference of thirty ‎with their parents have ended up with better educational outcomes, in comparison with those who ‎had a lesser age difference. ‎ Additionally, when a family is based on mature parents, the failure risk of it will be minimized. Younger ‎parents are usually inexperienced, and they also fail to manage difficult situations. Mature mother and ‎fathers have a higher Emotional Intelligence (EQ), which help them to be more and more flexible in the ‎life crisis. For instance, it is well-proved that the divorce rate will significantly fall if people get married ‎in older ages. ‎ To reach a conclusion, it seems that getting married young would not be a good choice for making a ‎successful family. The ideal time for marriage is when a person has grown enough to be able to tackle ‎the financial and emotional issues of the family in the best possible way. ‎
When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
down to marriage,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
plays a pivotal role in it. Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
‎married in their third decade of life, which from my perspective is a smart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of certain ‎compelling reasons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
in this essay. ‎

First
and foremost, from an economic prospect, making a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
in older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
leads to a brighter future ‎for its members. It is apparent that wives and husbands who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married in their thirties have been already stabilized in ‎their jobs, making them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money in order to spend for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can an older ‎father
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a better life for his children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he can
also
have more free time to contribute to ‎domestic responsibilities.
For example
, as a study suggests, children who have a minimum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
difference of thirty ‎with their parents have ended up with better educational outcomes,
in comparison
with those who ‎had a lesser
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
difference. ‎

Additionally
, when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is based
on mature parents, the failure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of it will
be minimized
. Younger ‎parents are
usually
inexperienced, and they
also
fail to manage difficult situations. Mature mother and ‎fathers have a higher Emotional Intelligence (EQ), which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to be more and more flexible in the ‎life crisis.
For instance
, it is well-proved that the divorce rate will
significantly
fall if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married ‎in older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
. ‎

To reach a conclusion, it seems that getting married young would not be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
choice for making a ‎successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. The ideal time for marriage is when a person has grown
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to be able to tackle ‎the financial and emotional issues of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
in the best possible way. ‎
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people are born to be the leaders, others believe leadership can be learnt. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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