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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Some people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports. Others believe that it is best to us v.348

Some people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports. Others believe that it is best to us v. 348
Sports, nowadays have become an integral part of the young generation. The society has been discussing about the consequences of competitive sports in schools for youngers. This essay will discuss why I strongly believe that all kinds of sports should be teach at school. First of all, the main idea behind the sports is that they maintain the body moving. As a result of it, sports make us healthier and happier. Second of all, especially for children these kinds of practice are really necessary to develop theirs muscles, bones, and even mind. For example, if they practiced regular activities more often, such as, soccer, basketball or volley, their health will be improved a lot, also they could live more and more years. Moreover, working as a team, some young people develop the ability to understand how the world works, while some are the first, others could be the last. For instance, when I was a child, I used to play soccer with my friends during the high school, and it was an amazing experience for all of us, because sometimes we won, and others we lost, but we never gave up. Consequently, this period taught us an important lesson for entire life, that is "no matter the final result, always give your best". In conclusion, I totally agree with it that there are more pros than cons of teaching competitive sports for children, they could rise mature and being better people, facing challenges no matter how big they could be.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
, nowadays have become an integral part of the young generation. The society has been
Did you mean simply "discussing the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discussing about the
consequences of competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in schools for
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngers
. This essay will discuss why I
strongly
believe that all kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should be
Consider using the past participle "taught"?
teach
at school.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the main
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
behind the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is that they maintain the body moving.
As a result
of it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us healthier and happier. Second of all,
especially
for children these kinds of practice are
really
necessary to develop theirs muscles, bones, and even mind.
For example
, if they practiced regular activities more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
, such as, soccer, basketball or volley, their health will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
a lot,
also
they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
more and more years.

Moreover
, working as a team,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
develop the ability to understand how the world works, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are the
first
, others could be the last.
For instance
, when I was a child, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to play soccer with my friends during the high school, and it was an amazing experience for all of us,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
we won,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
we lost,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we never gave up.
Consequently
, this period taught us an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
lesson for entire life,
that is
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
no matter the final result, always give your best
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
.

In conclusion
, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with it that there are more pros than cons of teaching competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
for children, they could rise mature and being better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, facing challenges no matter how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
they could be.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports. Others believe that it is best to us v. 348

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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