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Some people are born to be leaders, others believe leadership can be learnt. Discuss both the views and give your opinion v.2

Some people are born to be leaders, others believe leadership can be learnt. 2
Many people think that leadership will come from their birth and some believes leadership is a quality has to be learnt. In this essay I will give my opinion with both outlooks and examples. To start with, leadership qualities will be identified when there are crises in any place and how the individuals are stepping forward with the situation and how they are taking the responsibilities. Generally people who are well aware with the society and having knowledge will have these characteristics. Also persons who are growing up in good societies which are having high values and visions will always come front to help others by nature. For instance, Mahatma Gandhi who was born and bought up in a poor family, but the society where he was grown to teach him a leadership qualities and lead the Indians at the time of freedom fighting. On the other hand, most of the people believe that this quality comes from their ancestors and so they are called as born leaders. But these skill qualities will not come from someone’s personality or social influence. At the same time, the leader should treat the people equally regardless with their background and social status. There are many leaders in our history where they were proven by their decisions and behaviour, not by their birth and one should feel passionate to become a leader. In my opinion, one can become a leader by his experience, and learning from their behaviour, it will not come as a gift nor by destiny of god. Being friendly to the society and by reading of books written by great philosophers will help you to gain the knowledge to achieve leadership qualities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
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leadership
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from their birth and
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some
believes
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leadership
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
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has to
be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
. In this essay I will give my opinion with both outlooks and examples.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualities
will
be identified
when there are crises in any place and how the individuals are stepping forward with the situation and how they are taking the responsibilities.
Generally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are well aware with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and having knowledge will have these characteristics.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
persons who are growing up in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
which are having high values and visions will always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
front to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
others by nature.
For instance
, Mahatma Gandhi who
was born
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
up in a poor family,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
where he
was grown
to teach him a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualities
and lead the Indians at the time of freedom fighting.

On the other hand
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
ancestors and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
are called
as born
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualities
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from someone’s personality or social influence. At the same time, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
should treat the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
equally
regardless with their background and social status. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
in our history where they
were proven
by their decisions and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, not by their birth and one should feel passionate to become a leader.

In my opinion, one can become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
by his experience, and learning from their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, it will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
as a gift nor by destiny of god. Being friendly to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and by reading of books written by great philosophers will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you to gain the knowledge to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualities
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Some people are born to be leaders, others believe leadership can be learnt. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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