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In case of problems, some prefer to get advice from family and friends. Others prefer to learn through personal experience. Which method is betterand why? v.1

In case of problems, some prefer to get advice from family and friends. Others prefer to learn through personal experience. Which method is betterand why? v. 1
There is a continuous rise in crime ratio during the last year. There has been a debate on punishment given to the accused criminals. Some consider the death penalty as the best measure, whereas others believe that other methods should be taken in consideration. We will be discussing both views along with examples in later paragraphs. First of all, some people believe that penalizing death sentence is the best way to give punishment to the alleged. Such practices would discourage criminals and would result in lowering crime ratio. The countries with strict laws are considered peaceful countries. For example, Canada has the lowest crime ratio across the globe. The reason is their strict legislative policies. They give severe punishments to criminals without any trial. Similarly, Saudia Arabia hangs the culprit who has been guilty of the crime of rape. Therefore, such measures help in lowering the crime stats. On the other hand, other measures should be considered while sentencing the criminals. The intensity of wrongdoing should be taken in consideration. There are certain cases where the people are falsely involved in the cases. Accusing the innocent people would result in destruction and loss for their families. Moreover, developed countries have their rehabilitation programs to the council the prisoners. For example, In Pakistan the punishment is given to accused according to the severity of the crime. Moreover, America provides counselling sessions to criminals to make them better citizens in future. Therefore, other factors should be given due importance. To conclude, there has been an intense increase in the crime rates. To address this issue sentencing death penalty is the best tool to lower the misconduct ratio. However, other important tools should be in notice due to the fact that criminals are also human. Mistakes are committed from everyone and counselling should be taken in consideration.
There is a continuous rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ratio
during the
‘last year’ indicates a finished event of the past. Please check the predicate's tense.
last year
. There has been a debate on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the accused
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
consider the death penalty as the best measure, whereas others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
methods should
be taken
in consideration. We will be discussing both views along with examples in later paragraphs.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that penalizing death sentence is the best way to give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
to the alleged. Such practices would discourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
and would result in lowering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ratio
. The countries with strict laws
are considered
peaceful countries.
For example
, Canada has the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ratio
across the globe. The reason is their strict legislative policies. They give severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
without any trial.
Similarly
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Saudia
Arabia hangs the culprit who has been guilty of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
of rape.
Therefore
, such measures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in lowering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
stats.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures should
be considered
while sentencing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
. The intensity of wrongdoing should
be taken
in consideration. There are certain cases where the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
falsely
involved in the cases. Accusing the innocent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would result in destruction and loss for their families.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
have their rehabilitation programs to the council the prisoners.
For example
, In Pakistan the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to accused according to the severity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
Moreover
, America provides counselling sessions to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them better citizens
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
due importance.

To conclude
, there has been an intense increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates. To address this issue sentencing death penalty is the best tool to lower the misconduct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ratio
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
tools should be in notice due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
are
also
human. Mistakes
are committed
from everyone and counselling should
be taken
in consideration.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In case of problems, some prefer to get advice from family and friends. Others prefer to learn through personal experience. Which method is betterand why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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