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Some people are afraid to go out for fear of being robbed on the streets. Still, there are robberies that happen inside houses. What do you think is the best thing a person can do to ensure his/her own security? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

Some people are afraid to go out for fear of being robbed on the streets. Still, there are robberies that happen inside houses. What do you think is the best thing a person can do to ensure his/her own security? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
A couple of society's sectors are feeling unsecured going out timorous to find a thief on their way, however, robberies occur even being at home. I am strongly convinced that folks should use personal and external security schemes. The aim of this essay is to identify the most convenient way that the community could protect its own safety. Noise is the most common way to repel a robber attack, due to thieves always avoid to be identified on the crime scene, and that is easily demonstrable by the huge alarms from the big places' security systems, for example, companies, casinos or museums, where landlords or owners need to protect their property. Beyond the security guards, the noise of alert encourages the thieves to run away. Furthermore, this is no the only resource people should use to protect their self. While they activate the alarm method as the first step, it has to exist a second reaction, and it should be the notification to the police or local security company, because, these are expert groups in protecting people and property against any violent treats or robber attacks, for Instance, numerous cases of bank treats have been avoided or solved by police, just at the push of panic button by a bank employee. Definitely, help from a security group or police is one of the aims people should use when robberies happen. Evidently, robberies have shown up during human history, but, the society must count on contingency plans to mitigate this kind inconvenient that nowadays affect substantially to the community, counting on that, people should have to carry whistles or panic alarms on them if they are going on the street or alarm systems in places, in addition, and to complement this protocol, people have to notify to the police in the shortest time term.
A couple of society's sectors are feeling unsecured going out timorous to find a thief on their way,
however
, robberies occur even being at home. I am
strongly
convinced that folks should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
personal and external
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
schemes. The aim of this essay is to identify the most convenient way that the community could protect its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
safety.

Noise is the most common way to repel a robber attack, due to thieves always avoid to
be identified
on the crime scene, and
that is
easily
demonstrable by the huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alarms
from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
places'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
systems,
for example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, casinos or museums, where landlords or owners need to protect their property. Beyond the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
guards, the noise of alert encourages the thieves to run away.
Furthermore
, this is
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
resource
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to protect their self.

While they activate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alarm
method as the
first
step, it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
exist a second reaction, and it should be the notification to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
or local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, these are expert groups in protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and property against any violent treats or robber attacks,
for Instance
, numerous cases of bank treats have
been avoided
or solved by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
at the push of panic button by a bank employee. Definitely,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
group or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
is one of the aims
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
when robberies happen.

Evidently
, robberies have shown up during human history,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, the society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
count on contingency plans to mitigate this kind inconvenient that nowadays affect
substantially
to the community, counting on that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
carry whistles or panic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alarms
on them if they are going on the street or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alarm
systems in places,
in addition
, and to complement this protocol,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
notify to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
in the shortest time term.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Some people are afraid to go out for fear of being robbed on the streets. Still, there are robberies that happen inside houses. What do you think is the best thing a person can do to ensure his/her own security? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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