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ome people are afraid to go out for fear of being robbed on streets. Still, there are robberies that happen inside houses. What do you think is the best thing a person can do to ensure his/her own security? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

ome people are afraid to go out for fear of being robbed on streets. Still, there are robberies that happen inside houses. What do you think is the best thing a person can do to ensure his/her own security? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
As a matter of fact, safety has been a paramount factor of life quality of humankind. Indeed, when safety is the case, we should consider it from multiple aspects. In other words, security could be defined based on statistics of crimes rate in society as an external point of view and, also, it has been regarded as a mental state and feeling from a psychological perspective. I put my forth in the following paragraphs which help us to improve our security in both directions of mental state and in practice. Fundamentally, the importance of preventive actions to reduce the probability of being in danger of criminals can not be denied. Preventive actions could be divided into two main categories. Firstly, individuals should increase their awareness and physical skills. Secondly, they should equip their properties with safety systems and arm themselves with defensive utilities. Most of the offenders misuse victims trust, unawareness or any other security weaknesses to commit their crimes. Actually, criminals always evaluate victims’ situation; that is why preventive steps reduce the risk of being in danger to the great extent. On the other hand, people should enhance their mental state of security up-to-date to be aware of common crime trends. By increasing our knowledge about everyday high-risk situations in our environment, basically, we could take deterrent steps to prevent such dangers. The flip side of the coin is that most of the attacks are based on the victim’s surprise; therefore if we increase our knowledgeability about such subjects, we can markedly reduce the risk of being a victim. It is also of great benefit to us to be more confident, which could be reflected in our manner and behaviour that is recognizable by others, particularly delinquents. Finally, as I mentioned above, being confident has a significant effect to dissuade wrongdoers. To sum up, in my way of thinking, practical ways to enjoy security are our awareness about common crime trends, security equipment such as CCTV or security systems, and learning martial arts or self-defence abilities.
As a matter of fact, safety has been a paramount factor of life quality of humankind.
Indeed
, when safety is the case, we should consider it from multiple aspects. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
could
be defined
based on statistics of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
rate in society as an external point of view and,
also
, it has
been regarded
as a mental state and feeling from a psychological perspective. I put my forth in the following paragraphs which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
in both directions of mental state and in practice.

Fundamentally
, the importance of preventive actions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the probability of being in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of criminals can not
be denied
. Preventive actions could
be divided
into two main categories.
Firstly
, individuals should increase their awareness and physical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Secondly
, they should equip their properties with safety systems and arm themselves with defensive utilities. Most of the offenders misuse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
victims
trust, unawareness or any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
weaknesses to commit their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. Actually, criminals always evaluate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
victims’
situation;
that is
why preventive steps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of being in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
to the great extent.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should enhance their mental state of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
up-to-date to be aware of common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
trends. By increasing our knowledge about everyday high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
situations in our environment,
basically
, we could take deterrent steps to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
. The flip side of the coin is that most of the attacks
are based
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
victim’s
surprise;
therefore
if we increase our
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledgeability
about such subjects, we can
markedly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
victim
. It is
also
of great benefit to us to be more confident, which could
be reflected
in our manner and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
that is
recognizable by others,
particularly
delinquents.
Finally
, as I mentioned above, being confident has a significant effect to dissuade wrongdoers.

To sum up, in my way of thinking, practical ways to enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
are our awareness about common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
trends,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
equipment such as CCTV or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
systems, and learning martial arts or
Possible spelling mistake. 'self-defence' is British English.
self-defence
abilities.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay ome people are afraid to go out for fear of being robbed on streets. Still, there are robberies that happen inside houses. What do you think is the best thing a person can do to ensure his/her own security? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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