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Some people say international sports event help in world peace? Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people say international sports event help in world peace? v. 2
Some individual states that global games events are advantageous for community peace. This essay agrees that global games events play a vital role for world peace. Firstly, this essay will discuss the sense of brotherhood and exchange of tradition among the worldwide people and secondly, it will discuss the nepotism of games authority to create new country order frequently for international events. Global games give thrive to brotherhood along with exchange of tradition all over the world. People of different communities gather in one place, play together, stay together, which develop a sense of brotherhood among them and obviously when people of different countries meet they share their traditions with each other. For Example, in Olympics games which are started from 2014, player from all over the world gather in the same place to show brotherhood and an exchange of traditions. However, International games authority should be very care full while organizing event as they always try to organize the event in different countries because if the event will always hold in the same country than this might be the injustice for other countries player. Every nation should get the chance to host the event this will support their players and country in both ways financially and sportsman spirit. For example, since 2008 Champions Trophy series of cricket is always held in India no matter which country team is winning and this leads other country player with a sense of injustice. In conclusion essay agrees that global games events are helpful for peace; provide friendship between player and countries, interchange traditions and bias of global games authority for building new event order with a regular interval of time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individual states that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are advantageous for community peace. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
play a vital role for world peace.
Firstly
, this essay will discuss the sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brotherhood
and exchange of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
among the worldwide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
secondly
, it will discuss the nepotism of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
authority to create new
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country
order
frequently
for international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

Global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
give thrive to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brotherhood
along with exchange of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
all over the world.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
communities gather in one place, play together, stay together, which develop a sense of
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brotherhood
among them and
obviously
when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
they share their
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traditions
with each other.
For Example
, in Olympics
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games
which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
from 2014,
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player
from all over the world gather in the same place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
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brotherhood
and an exchange of traditions.

However
, International
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games
authority should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
care full while organizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
as they always try to organize the
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event
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
will always hold in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
Comparison is written 'the same ... "as"'.
than
this might be the injustice for other
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "countries'" or "country's"?
countries
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player
. Every nation should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the chance to host the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
this will support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in both ways
financially
and sportsman spirit.
For example
, since 2008 Champions Trophy series of cricket is always held in India no matter which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
team is winning and this leads other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
with a sense of injustice.

In conclusion
essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are helpful for peace; provide friendship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, interchange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
and bias of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
authority for building new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
order with a regular interval of time.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say international sports event help in world peace? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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