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Some people advocate students going to school for 9 months a year in a row and take a rest for 3 months, while another point of view favors three months of school with one month of rest. Which do you prefer? v.2

Some people advocate students going to school for 9 months a year in a row and take a rest for 3 months, while another point of view favors three months of school with one month of rest. Which do you prefer? v. 2
With the gradual development of Education，recently, some people think that students should rest for three months after the last nine months of school. Another view is that students should stay in school for three months and rest for one month. In my opinion，I think the latter is more appropriate. For students, nine months of continuous learning will make it impossible for them to concentrate on the classroom in the last month. Because of continuous long-term study, students will feel more tired than in a three-month semester，which deprives them of the energy to concentrate on their studies. My mother' s colleagues once complained about the semester system in his child' s school, which has a nine-month semester. His children always show boredom in the last month and eventually fail to get a good result. He doesn' t think nine months of study is a good idea. Students need a proper amount of vacation in order to keep good energy to study. On the contrary, a three-month semester will give both students and school more flexibility in their study arrangements. In a relatively short semester, schools can concentrate on just a few courses, instead of coordinating the time of multiple courses as in a nine-month long semester, which will lead to students learning different kinds of courses every week. There is a short term of three months in my school, during which we only need to concentrate on one internship task and four seminars. Because the courses are carried out one by one in order, there is no need to diversify efforts on many subjects. Therefore, I believe that the three-month semester will be beneficial to both schools and students. Moreover, by giving students a month' s vacation, it will be easier for they to remember their previous studies after the rest. Compared with the three-month vacation, one month is much shorter, but it is enough for students to get enough rest within the appropriate scope, and it will not completely change the habits and thinking they developed in school. Because they can keep the memory of the learning period, it is easy for them to keep up with the rhythm of the class when the school starts again. My high school classmate' s university has three months long summer vacation. I used to envy him very much, but he told me that after three months, he went back to school and found that he could not recall what he learned last semester, so he had to spend time reviewing it again. To sum up, I prefer the term system of taking a month off after three months of school. With the development of education system, semester system should also adopt more appropriate programs，which this kind of term system is a good choice.
With the gradual development of
The character '，' is not a standard comma, although it can look like a comma. Use "Education, recently".
Education，recently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rest
for three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
after the last nine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Another view is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should stay in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
for three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rest
for one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
. In my
The character '，' is not a standard comma, although it can look like a comma. Use "opinion, I".
opinion，I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the latter is more appropriate.

For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, nine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
of continuous learning will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it impossible for them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concentrate
on the classroom in the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of continuous long-term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will feel more tired than in a three-month
The character '，' is not a standard comma, although it can look like a comma. Use "semester, which".
semester，which
deprives them of the energy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concentrate
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. My
Possible spelling mistake found.
mother&
#039; s colleagues once complained about the semester
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
in his
Possible spelling mistake found.
child&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, which has a nine-month semester. His children always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
boredom in the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
and
eventually
fail to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
result. He
Possible spelling mistake found.
doesn&
#039; t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
nine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
need a proper amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
energy to study.

On the contrary
, a three-month semester will give both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
more flexibility in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
arrangements. In a
relatively
short semester,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concentrate
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
,
instead
of coordinating the time of multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
as in a
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "nine-month-long"
nine-month long
semester, which will lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
every week. There is a short term of three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, during which we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concentrate
on one internship task and four seminars.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
are carried
out one by one in order, there is no need to diversify efforts on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
subjects.
Therefore
, I believe that the three-month semester will be beneficial to both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and students.

Moreover
, by giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
month&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
, it will be easier for they to remember their previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
after

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rest
. Compared with the three-month
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
, one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
is much shorter,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rest
within the appropriate scope, and it will not completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the habits and thinking they developed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the memory of the learning period, it is easy for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with the rhythm of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
again. My high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
Possible spelling mistake found.
classmate&
#039; s university has three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
long summer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to envy him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me that after three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
, he went back to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and found that he could not recall what he learned last semester,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he had to spend time reviewing it again.

To sum up, I prefer the term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
of taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
off after three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. With the development of education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
, semester
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
should
also
adopt more appropriate
The character '，' is not a standard comma, although it can look like a comma. Use "programs, which".
programs，which
this kind of term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
choice.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
66Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people advocate students going to school for 9 months a year in a row and take a rest for 3 months, while another point of view favors three months of school with one month of rest. Which do you prefer? v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
461 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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