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Some parents think that childcare centres provide the best services for children of pre-school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will provide better care for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.3

Some parents think that childcare centres provide the best services for children of pre-school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will provide better care for their kids. v. 3
While some parents believe that their children get the best care and support from playschools, others are of the opinion that grandparents are the best caretakers. I totally agree with the second view. Grandparents take good care of their grandchildren because they love them. They are their flesh and blood and that is a good reason to shower them with love and care. Also, grandparents are much more than caretakers. Besides taking care of their grandchildren, they help the babies to develop their social and language skills. Moreover, the blood relationship between them help better bonding and create an overall healthy atmosphere, which in turn foster better growth and character formation. For Instance, a recent research found that babies who spend a considerable amount of time with their parents or grandparents learn things much faster. As for playschools or day care centres, they are run for monetary benefits. The vast majority of these institutions are not all that concerned about the well-being of the kids. Many of them accommodate 20 to 25 kids at a time and that makes it difficult for them to attend to the needs of all children. The pre-school age is extremely crucial for the intellectual and emotional development of children. Since babies tend to learn a lot during this period, it is important for them to receive individual care and attention. Unfortunately, preschools and day care centres often fail to address these needs. To conclude, in order to ensure the overall development of children, it is important to understand and acknowledge their needs like a grandparent or parent does. Since pre-schools are profit-driven I cannot agree with the argument that they provide the best service for preschool children.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents believe that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
and support from playschools, others are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
are the best caretakers. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the second view.

Grandparents take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their grandchildren
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
them. They are their flesh and blood and
that is
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason to shower them with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
are much more than caretakers.
Besides
taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their grandchildren, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the babies to develop their social and language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Moreover
, the blood relationship between them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
better bonding and create an
overall
healthy atmosphere, which in turn foster better growth and character formation.
For Instance
, a recent research found that babies who spend a considerable amount of time with their parents or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
learn things much faster.

As for playschools or day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, they
are run
for monetary benefits. The vast majority of these institutions are not all that concerned about the well-being of the kids.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of them accommodate 20 to 25 kids at a time and that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it difficult for them to attend to the needs of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-school
age is
extremely
crucial for the intellectual and emotional development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Since babies tend to learn a lot during this period, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for them to receive individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
and attention. Unfortunately,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
preschools
and day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
fail to address these needs.

To conclude
, in order to ensure the
overall
development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to understand and acknowledge their needs like a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparent
or parent does. Since
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-schools
are profit-driven I cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the argument that they provide the best service for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
preschool
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some parents think that childcare centres provide the best services for children of pre-school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will provide better care for their kids. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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