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Some parents think that advertisements are misleading for children, while advertisers claim they provide knowledge. Give your opinion. v.1

Some parents think that advertisements are misleading for children, while advertisers claim they provide knowledge. Give your opinion. v. 1
The role of advertisements to promote some products is really important. While advertisers are confident that they not only promote products but also provide knowledge for people at the same time, some parents argue that advertisements can mislead their children. In this essay, I shall give my opinion on why I believe advertisements are not informative and parents’ concern is true. To begin with, as it is widely known, the main reason for products are being advertised is to enhance product sales. Advertisers only focus on audiences’ emotions to make a trend regarding the must-have items. For example, advertisements cannot be considered as informative sources as they do not give objective reviews and list detailed features of the products. Advertisers merely spotlight the advantage and disregard the disadvantage of owning those products. Hence, I believe advertisements do not provide knowledge for people because knowledge should be neutral and informative. Second, as advertisements make social trends, they make it hard for children to decide whether the advertised products are necessary or just a temporary trend. For example, children can lose their self-confidence if they do not follow the trend of having new toys or gadgets because everyone around them has those items. This phenomenon can mislead children to value themselves based on what they have. Although, in fact they do not need those items. In conclusion, in my opinion, advertisements are only focusing on audiences’ emotions to purchase the products without giving objective reviews. They can also make a trend regarding the usage of those advertised products which can make children feel worthless if they do not own them.
The role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
to promote
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
is
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. While advertisers are confident that they not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
provide knowledge for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at the same time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
can mislead their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In this essay, I shall give my opinion on why I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are not informative and parents’ concern is true.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, as it is
widely
known, the main reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are
being advertised
is to enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
sales. Advertisers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus on audiences’ emotions to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
regarding the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
-have items.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
cannot
be considered
as informative sources as they do not give objective reviews and list detailed features of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. Advertisers
merely
spotlight the advantage and disregard the disadvantage of owning those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Hence
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
do not provide knowledge for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
knowledge should be neutral and informative.

Second, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to decide whether the advertised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are necessary or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a temporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can lose their self-confidence if they do not follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
of having new toys or gadgets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everyone around them has those items. This phenomenon can mislead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to value themselves based on what they have.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, in fact they do not need those items.

In conclusion
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focusing on audiences’ emotions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
without giving objective reviews. They can
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
regarding the usage of those advertised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
feel worthless if they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
them.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some parents think that advertisements are misleading for children, while advertisers claim they provide knowledge. Give your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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