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Some parents think that advertisements are misleading for children, while advertisers claim that they provide knowledge. Give your opinion. v.1

Some parents think that advertisements are misleading for children, while advertisers claim that they provide knowledge. Give your opinion. v. 1
Several parents believe that advertisements play the role of misleading young audiences, especially children, and are not disseminating any knowledge, as the advertisers like to claim. In my opinion, this belief held by certain parents is completely true and advertisers seek solely, to glorify their products and to create a desire for their products in the minds of children. Firstly, in today’s hyper-competitive marketplace, a large number of advertisers are vying for the attention of their potential consumers. In such a scenario, advertisers seek to make their product stand out from the crowd by making their product appear as the best possible candidate among a multitude of offerings. To achieve this goal, the said products are glorified to an almost unrealistic degree, making them appear flawless, especially in the eyes of impressionable audiences like children. For example, fast food commercials, like the ones from Burger king, seek to depict their products as the most desirable and satisfying, while no attention is drawn to the high calorie counts and the harmful side effects from overconsumption of these items. Additionally, these advertisements also seek to attach an individual’s social standing with the ownership of a particular product. In young audiences, most of whom are already struggling with finding their footing in society, and struggle with the concepts of material possessions, these messages act in an exploitative manner. For example, toy companies, on an annual basis, aggressively market a particular toy leading up to the Christmas holidays as the one toy that children need to possess, in order to gain the acceptance of their peers. This leads to the cultivation of an irrational desire for ownership of the product among children. In conclusion, I would agree with parents about the misleading role that advertisements play, especially for children. The purpose for these advertisements is to increase sales and revenue for their sponsoring companies, and not to disseminate knowledge, as some may erroneously claim.
Several parents believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
play the role of misleading young audiences,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and are not disseminating any knowledge, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisers
like to claim. In my opinion, this belief held by certain parents is completely true and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seek
solely
, to glorify their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and to create a desire for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in the minds of children.

Firstly
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s hyper-competitive marketplace,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisers
are vying for the attention of their potential consumers. In such a scenario,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seek
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
stand out from the crowd by making their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
appear as the best possible candidate among a multitude of offerings. To achieve this goal, the said
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are glorified
to an almost unrealistic degree, making them appear flawless,
especially
in the eyes of impressionable audiences like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food commercials, like the ones from
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Burger king
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seek
to depict their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
as the most desirable and satisfying, while no attention
is drawn
to the high calorie counts and the harmful side effects from overconsumption of these items.

Additionally
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seek
to attach an individual’s social standing with the ownership of a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
. In young audiences, most of whom are already struggling with finding their footing in society, and struggle with the concepts of material possessions, these messages act
Consider replacing "in an exploitative manner" with the adverb for "exploitative"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an exploitative manner
.
For example
, toy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, on an annual basis,
aggressively
market a particular toy leading up to the Christmas holidays as the one toy that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to possess, in order to gain the acceptance of their peers. This leads to the cultivation of an irrational desire for ownership of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
among children.

In conclusion
, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with parents about the misleading role that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
play,
especially
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The purpose for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
is to increase sales and revenue for their sponsoring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, and not to disseminate knowledge, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may
erroneously
claim.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learn a new language and get a new soul.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Some parents think that advertisements are misleading for children, while advertisers claim that they provide knowledge. Give your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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