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Some parents think it is good to give their children mobile phones, while others disagree. Discuss both view and give your opinion. v.2

Some parents think it is good to give their children mobile phones, while others disagree. v. 2
In the modern world, many people are reckoned to think that the cellphones are beneficial for children, while others differ with it. I would completely agree with them who deem that this approach is acceptable. This essay will discuss both views and explain my belief followed by relevant examples. On the one hand, those who hold the assumption that mobile phones are only ruining their child's creativity. Firstly, if you ever go through any education website, there is always a mobile app available. This is because, through mobile application, it is convenient even for small children to engage into intresting clips. For instance, it is often seen that children are more engaged into seeing animated characters. Thus, many apps are creating content accordingly. In contrast, children would miss out on an opportunity to learn something new in a very innovative way. On the other hand, looking this matter from another point of view, it does have a lot of disadvantages as well. It is welll known fact that extensive usage of mobile phone could lead to strain in eyes. Of course, we must keep a safe distance from screen. Moreover it is supposed to increase sitting time, which could lead to many heath issues, obesity. For instance, according to a recent survey conducted by health department, more than 25% of children age ranging from 8-14 years are facing obesity issues. To conclude, although there are some isses with extensive usage of mobile phones, In my opinion, it is very important for young ones to interact and utilise these modern technology gadgets to broaden the horizon.
In the modern world,
many
people
are reckoned
to
think
that the cellphones are beneficial for
children
, while others differ with it. I would completely
agree
with them who deem that this approach is acceptable. This essay will discuss both views and
explain
my belief followed by relevant examples.

On the one hand, those who hold the assumption that mobile phones are
only
ruining their child's creativity.
Firstly
, if you ever go through any education website, there is always a mobile app available. This is
because
, through mobile application, it is convenient even for
small
children
to engage into
intresting
clips.
For instance
, it is
often
seen
that
children
are more engaged into seeing animated characters.
Thus
,
many
apps are creating content
accordingly
.
In contrast
,
children
would miss out on an opportunity to learn something new in a
very
innovative way.

On the other hand
, looking this matter from another point of view, it does have
a lot of
disadvantages
as well
. It is
welll
known fact that extensive usage of mobile phone could lead to strain in eyes.
Of course
, we
must
keep
a safe distance from screen.
Moreover
it
is supposed
to increase sitting time, which could lead to
many
heath issues, obesity.
For instance
, according to a recent survey conducted by health department, more than 25% of
children
age ranging from 8-14 years are facing obesity issues.

To conclude
, although there are
some
isses
with extensive usage of mobile phones, In my opinion, it is
very
important
for young ones to interact and
utilise
these modern technology gadgets to broaden the horizon.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some parents think it is good to give their children mobile phones, while others disagree. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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