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At present, the media affects people’s lives significantly. What impact does this have on society? Is it a negative or positive development? v.2

At present, the media affects people’s lives significantly. What impact does this have on society? Is it a negative or positive development? v. 2
Media has become the lifeline of modern entertainment Industry, so it will affect the whole society. The advantages of it will outweigh the disadvantages if we used it correctly. In this essay, two main advantageous uses of media will be discussed. On the one hand, media interprets in every field in our life, and it can control our way of thinking. Media can lead humans diet through illustrating hazards of fatty food, so that they can buy healthy food. This is an effective way of improving their awareness. Recently, vegans have made a wide influence on individuals as a result of that there are about more than about 500000 individuals who are vegans in the US only. This is a prime example of how media can change humans mindset. Thus, media can boost the awareness and widen people's horizon. On the other hand, developing social skills of teenagers is another benefit of media, as it has a vital role in communication through writing, chatting and even making videos. It has made communication easier and more effective. For instance, social media sites such as Facebook and Youtube have massive numbers of users with tons of videos and posts. All this content and messaging have made teenagers socializing mature and productive. Hence, socializing has been improved and this is another advantage of media. In conclusion, this essay has discussed how media has changed our lives and how it has become important through its positives. Of course, it has negative, but I believe that its positives are more and more.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Media
has become the lifeline of modern entertainment Industry,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it will affect the whole society. The advantages of it will outweigh the disadvantages if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
it
correctly
. In this essay, two main advantageous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
will
be discussed
.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
interprets in every field in our life, and it can control our way of thinking.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Media
can lead humans diet through illustrating hazards of fatty food,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
healthy food. This is an effective way of improving their awareness. Recently, vegans have made a wide influence on individuals
as a result
of that there are about more than about 500000 individuals who are vegans in the US
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. This is a prime example of how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
humans mindset.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can boost the awareness and widen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's horizon.

On the other hand
, developing social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
is another benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, as it has a vital role in communication through writing, chatting and even making videos. It has made communication easier and more effective.
For instance
, social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
sites such as Facebook and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Youtube
have massive numbers of users with tons of videos and posts. All this content and messaging have made
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
socializing mature and productive.
Hence
, socializing has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
and this is another advantage of media.

In conclusion
, this essay has discussed how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and how it has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
through its positives.
Of course
, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that its positives are more and more.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay At present, the media affects people’s lives significantly. What impact does this have on society? Is it a negative or positive development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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