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Some parents think children should have mobile phones, others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.1

Some parents think children should have mobile phones, others disagree. v. 1
Most of people give a mobile phone for children in the present. However, some people have argued that smart phones have many disadvantages for their students. From my experience, this essay will first examine why children should have mobile phones and then explain the advantage of cell phone before giving my opinion. On the one hand, some parents are concerned their kids due to the country has a lot of crime so it should be necessary and smart phones can help convenient for communication between children and parents, they can monitor by calling or texting. Additionally, the mobile phone can assist in education, such as academic or research development their assignments or schoolwork. For example, Wikipedia is a resourceful website for students to find out more about famous scientists, a nation’s history. On the other hand, some parents have not suggested for using cell phones because there are some unsuitable on social media for the young children on mobile phone such as porn, games or violence. Although, there are useful in communication and effectiveness, mobile phones can be a major distraction. They do not attend their homework, exercise or spend time on the internet instead of doing outdoor activities with their families. Furthermore, parents cannot control their children's activities on the Internet because young children can access on mobile phones and they cannot limit any content that are improper for them so this is the impact of social media as cyber bully. In my opinion, I strongly agree that teenagers should have smart phones because one main factor is an important for parents. For instance, if their kids might become kidnap from outlaw so parents can find a location from application on mobile phones. To sum up, mobile phones have many benefits for their kids so I believe that the juveniles will get benefit than harm.
Most of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
give a mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the present.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have argued that smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages for their students. From my experience, this essay will
first
examine why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should have mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the advantage of cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
giving my opinion.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are concerned
their kids due to the country has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
crime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it should be necessary and smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
convenient for communication between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, they can monitor by calling or texting.
Additionally
, the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
can assist in education, such as academic or research development their assignments or schoolwork.
For example
, Wikipedia is a resourceful website for students to find out more about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
scientists, a nation’s history.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have not suggested for using cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unsuitable on social media for the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
such as porn, games or violence. Although, there are useful in communication and effectiveness, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can be a major distraction. They do not attend their homework, exercise or spend time on the internet
instead
of doing outdoor activities with their families.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
cannot control their children's activities on the Internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can access on mobile
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
phones and
they cannot limit any content that are improper for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this is the impact of social media as
This word is normally spelled as one.
cyber bully
.

In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
should have smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
one main factor is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
For instance
, if their kids might become kidnap from outlaw
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can find a location from application on mobile phones.

To sum up, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for their kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I believe that the juveniles will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefit than harm.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some parents think children should have mobile phones, others disagree. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
306 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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