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Some parents, specifically mothers, stay at home instead working, and some people think That they should receive monetary compensation from the government. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some parents, specifically mothers, stay at home instead working, and some people think That they should receive monetary compensation from the government. v. 1
We have seen an increase in globalisation, which has resulted in increasing of goods being transported from across nations. It is argued by many individuals, that food consumed from local markets is more beneficial for the economy, as it also benefits the environment. In my opinion, the advantages of food consumption from local markets outweigh its disadvantages. One of the main demerits of consuming food from local market could result to lesser consumer choices. This is because, the products from local market limits the choices for a consumer, and he is only able to purchase products which are sold in his city. To illustrate, for an individual who is well travelled would like to buy some international products, which he would have indulged in while his travel, and the lack of availability of these products in his country can disappoint him. The availability of products from across the world can be more satisfying to meet consumer needs. However, there are more advantages of the consumption of the local market, which would benefit the environment and the economy of the nation. Firstly, purchasing of goods from the local market can reduce the pollution levels. This is because, the goods are locally available and it does not have to travel a huge distance, which results in adding pollution. The transportation of these goods in vehicles causes a huge amount of toxic to the atmosphere which can be detrimental for the health and an environment, to an large extend. Secondly, when goods are distributed in the local market, this can increase the revenue of the local farmers, which will also lead in increasing the per capita income. For example, In India, farming contributes to more than 60% of the national revenue, people buying from the local market will only increase the turnover of the country. To conclude, although some individuals due to their personal preferences and satisfaction would like to buy products from international market. However, in my view, it would be more beneficial for nations sell its products locally, which will result in benefitting the economy by an increase in revenue, and also the environment by reducing the pollution level.
We have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
, which has resulted in increasing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
being transported
from across nations. It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals, that food consumed from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
markets is more beneficial for the economy, as it
also
benefits the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. In my opinion, the advantages of food consumption from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
markets outweigh its disadvantages.

One of the main demerits of consuming food from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
could result to lesser consumer choices. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
limits the choices for a consumer, and he is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which
are sold
in his city. To illustrate, for an individual who is well travelled would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, which he would have indulged in while his travel, and the lack of availability of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in his country can disappoint him. The availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
from across the world can be more satisfying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
consumer needs.

However
, there are more advantages of the consumption of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
, which would benefit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
and the economy of the nation.
Firstly
, purchasing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the pollution levels. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
are
locally
available and it does not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
travel a huge distance, which results in adding pollution. The transportation of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
in vehicles causes a huge amount of toxic to the atmosphere which can be detrimental for the health and an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
, to
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
large extend.
Secondly
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
are distributed
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
, this can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
the revenue of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
farmers, which will
also
lead in increasing the per capita income.
For example
, In India, farming contributes to more than 60% of the national revenue,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
buying from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
the turnover of the country.

To conclude
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals due to their personal preferences and satisfaction would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
from international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
.
However
, in my view, it would be more beneficial for nations sell its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
locally
, which will result in
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitting
the economy by an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in revenue, and
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
by reducing the pollution level.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
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IELTS essay Some parents, specifically mothers, stay at home instead working, and some people think That they should receive monetary compensation from the government. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
358 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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