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Some people say that due to the growing number of unfit and overweight people sport should be made compulsory in all educational establishments Others claim that only voluntary decision to do sport helps people to be fit but compulsory physical education v.1

Some people say that due to the growing number of unfit and overweight people sport should be made compulsory in all educational establishments Others claim that only voluntary decision to do sport helps people to be fit but compulsory physical education v. 1
Although many people believe that Television acts as a tool for enforcing mindless entertainment on them, I oblige to differ with this opinion to a large extent for some good reasons. I would like to state my position firmly in the upcoming arguments with necessary explanations. Could there be a hundred of reasons for television being a positive instrument of life, and out of all, the crucial factor I believe is the vast knowledge, educational content and life skills provided by Television every day. The visual interpretation of any data will be strongly imprinted in the human brain than any other representation. This makes me believe that Television as a great teacher of life. For example, the informational content delivered by National Geographic and Discovery channels is of enormous purpose and value for the children as well as adults. Moreover, Television plays a significant role in the fight against the Global warming through spreading word on climate change combat programs. Every day, the majority of the world population depends on Television to keep themselves updated about their day to day informational titbits like weather forecasts, daily traffic commute information, news feeds and so on. However, I would not overlook the devastating and life changing impacts imparted by Television on us. To begin with, one key factor is Television became an Idiot box recently during the 20th century with the advent of telemarketing and their aggressive corporate communication strategies. Telemarketing became a big nuance of the Television broadcasting. It is enforcing extensive consumerism majorly amongst the teens and middle-aged sections of society. Thus to conclude my discussion, it can finally be said that despite the fact that Television encouraging mindless entertainment up to some extent, I believe we should definitely give Television a huge thumbs up for being a powerful educational tool.
Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
acts as a tool for enforcing mindless entertainment on them, I oblige to differ with this opinion to a large extent for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reasons. I would like to state my position
firmly
in the upcoming arguments with necessary explanations.

Could there be a hundred of reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
being a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
instrument of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, and out of all, the crucial factor I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
is the vast knowledge, educational content and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
provided by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
every day. The visual interpretation of any data will be
strongly
imprinted in the human brain than any other representation. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
as a great teacher of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For example
, the informational content delivered by National Geographic and Discovery channels is of enormous purpose and value for the children
as well
as adults.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
plays a significant role in the fight against the Global warming through spreading word on climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
combat programs. Every day, the majority of the world population depends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves updated about their day to day informational
Possible spelling mistake found.
titbits
like weather forecasts, daily traffic commute information, news feeds and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

However
, I would not overlook the devastating and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
changing impacts imparted by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
on us. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one key factor is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
became an Idiot box recently during the 20th century with the advent of telemarketing and their aggressive corporate communication strategies. Telemarketing became a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
nuance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
broadcasting. It is enforcing extensive consumerism
majorly
amongst the teens and middle-aged sections of society.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
to conclude
my discussion, it can
finally
be said
that despite the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
encouraging mindless entertainment up to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
we should definitely give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
a huge thumbs up for being a powerful educational tool.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that due to the growing number of unfit and overweight people sport should be made compulsory in all educational establishments Others claim that only voluntary decision to do sport helps people to be fit but compulsory physical education v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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